Archive for the ‘Warcraft’ Category

I Wanna Give Half My Warcraft Mana To The Dead Ass Yeonpyeong Chumps

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000November UTC00AM J+000060 in Warcraft
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So this morning I finally had to face my dad about that whole Yeonpyeong shelling fuck-up thing.

He pretty pretty fucking steamed yo.

He said I’s banned from playing on the military computers until further notice. That a long time yo.

But check it, I think I can make shit ok again. I be telling him I should just fess up to the fuck up and offer to compensate tha Yeonpyeong chumps that we be blowing all up and shit when I be thinking they be NIGHT ELVES all gonna come and rape us and steal our drugs and shit.

He say “compensate? with wot?”

He saying how aside from his movies and the weapons and that big ass armoured train he got that take him to China, we don’t really got shit to give no Yeonpyeong punk and anyways he want to keep all tha shit we got and we don’t wanna be looking like we did something wrong. He say stick to tha story that we be fired on first and be defending tha muthaland from running dog lackeys.

And I say “it was NIGHT ELVES, yo, not running dogs, but not even that. actually”

He just sigh and tell me to go away but I say I got a better idea. We might not be in tha cash right now, but soon I will be when my shit hit wax up at tha nuclear recording studio I be building in YOngbyon and also what I got lots of be MANA.

He like “wtf yo?”

And I say it this magic shit in Warcraft. He just shake his head but I say, check it, what we gotta do is say that tha BRILLIANT COMRADE be all sorry for his fucking up shit and to prove he one sorry ass nigga, tha J-UNIT be willing to donate a whole HALF his warcraft mana to tha families of tha Yeonpyeong chumps we be blowing up. How that yo?

He didn’t say nothing, he just look out the window.

I say “wot if I say that I also be donating five percent of the revenue from my first album when that joint hit tha stands to tha victims too? that joint gonna be cash yo punks aint never gonna heard no shit be dope as that shit I be dropping when I be dropping that dope ass shit yo.”

He tell me to leave him alone and get back to tha purges or sumthing useful.

I think that mean he gonna think about it.

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While I been chillaxing after the DPR muthafucking K’s show of strength, I been bugged by this question ain’t no one answered for me yet. Check it, what tha J-Unit wanna know be:

How you like reserves team fagball in the Swiss second division, Cha Jong-Hyok you punk?

Lemme take y’all back a bit.

Cha be the right-back in the DRRK’s World Cup Fucking-Up soccer team.

They basically all chumps that discgraced tha muthaland and can suck tha Fresh Prince’s dick as far as tha Fresh Prince be concerned, but not everyone be agreeing with my opinion.

Some Swiss niggas from this team in the Swiss second division called FC Wil be hollering at us saying they want Cha to go play for them.

At the time, my homey Major Choe was working in the Ministry of Sport, because that comes under the supervision of the 3rd Armoured Infantry Division where he spent most of his career that he hasn’t spent in his own stoner ass dream world, so he knew all about this shit and how that shit came about.

When the Swiss holler come, the immediate response was, fuck it, we don’t want that chump ass nigga, you can take all those chump ass niggaz that aren’t Jong Tae-Se. For real, I got mad love for that nigga, yo, we play Star Craft II and WoW together all the time.

But then it be going to the Field Marshall and he not so keen. Thing is, Master Race nigga goes to Switzerland, it ain’t just him be going. We be sending like 5 or 6 other niggaz to keep and eye on that nigga make sure he don’t try to sell-out tha motherland to the Round Eye niggaz, you feel me?

Some niggaz just can’t be trusted, like that punk ass traitor Hwang Jang-Yop. We had to send that nigga a crazy ass hooker wanna be bouncy-bouncy all tha fucking time. It took like 3 months but finally she gave that 90 year old peanut a heart attack. We spent way too much money on that escapade, yo. Hwang got some stamina; I sure hope I still fucking that much when I’m 90. In the end, she had to stick this cattle prod up his ass to make the old guy quit it.

Anyway, this be mostly why we lovin’ on the J to tha T to tha muthafucking Se, you see? He lovin’ on Real Corea tha way only a nigga be living in Japan can be lovin’ on this joint, yo.

And the Field Marshall say that we can do that shit for sure if tha nigga gonna go somewhere that’s gonna bring in mad cash and props for the muthaland. Some place like Portsmouth, yo. FC Wil ain’t gonna bring tha muthaland shit, dawg.

But Choe, he a pussy ass nigga sometimes – and I be saying that out of non-fag luv, y’all, much as I got mad non-fag luv for all my Choson fagz, yo – and he be talking with Cha and goes to the Field Marshall to get him to reconsider.

Choe say that FC Wil ain’t so bad a place, they won a Swiss championship. Says the Swiss all neutral and shit, too. Says they be educatin’ me and my fat ass brother so they ain’t got no grudge against the Master Race, and even says that the Grandaddy of the DPR muthafucking K, John Lennon, he went and chillaxed in Switzerland when niggaz wanting to be icing his ass. Also says since there be a Master Race nigga already there, we can put them in the same apartment and use what niggaz we already got over there.

So the Field Marshall say ok and Cha goes to Wil. And Cha can’t get a fucking game at Wil. And, once again, Cha be disgracing tha muthaland with his chump ass fagball skillz.

And Choe gets demoted to tha position of military attache to tha Morningstar General for that fuck up.

Which brings us to today.

And my question:

How you like reserves team fagball in the Swiss second division Cha Jong-Hyok, you punk?

How you like fucking your muthaland in tha ass when we all go out on a limb for you, you punk?

O you a big man when you grinding out some boring ass no score draw against fucking Bhutan or Bangladesh or some penalty time win against Turkmenistan or some other make-belive shit hole, but when it comes to the second division of the Swiss league, you just a punk, Cha Jong-Hyok.

Nigga, you just a punk.

Storms still be blowing and shit and man am I steaming.

This time it ain’t those pussyass haters down in Gwangju with their bullshit Biennale and fake artists and shit.

It be the old man.

Y’all know how I’m taking over and shit in a little bit, rite? They be calling me the Morningstar General and the Choson Nigga Number One and all that shit, yeah?

So the old man is all like, Jong-Un, you best be getting your cabinet and advisers and shit in order. He’s like, I’m gonna need some hardass niggaz around me to advise me on shit like the economy and food and the internet and shit.

And he’s saying all like how I need niggaz I can trust and shit, cos I can’t have no backstabbing muthafuckas that gonna go stabbing me in the back when I got back turned. Word.

That ain’t why I’m angry though, yo.

This be good advise from the old man. For real. Nigga gotta keep a hold of what’s his.

But then he’s like, you should appoint the head of the army, Wonsu Kim Yong-Chun to be your chief adviser.

And I’m all like Nigga wot?

And he’s like he’s been doing what the Party says since the battle of Naktong Bulge or some shit.

And I’m like, I don’t care about that, what’s some wrinkled old peanut fuck gonna advise me on? He’s like fucking older than the Amiga, man.

I said this is my cabinet and my advisers and I’m gonna choose who I want.

And the old man’s like, so who you want?

And I say Shaggy 2 Dope.

And the old man, he just doesn’t say anything.

So I have to fucking explain the fucking Clown Posse all over again and about how S2D be the illest muthafucka in wrestling  too. He be my military adviser and he can party down.

And then I say I want Steve Cleveland to be my other adviser.

And he doesn’t know who that is either.

And I’m like, nigga only be like the best coach in the Mountain West College bball conference.

And the old man, he’s like shaking his head and shit and he calls for his nurse to take him away. And I’m like, bitch, soon it be my ass you be wiping. And the old man, he’s just  saying like “I think I have made a big mistake.”

And I’m like, “for real, nigga. Word.” That be the smartest thing that old man ever said.

So when Major Choe gets back from Macao, I’m gonna send him to go get Shaggy and Steve and then we be getting this muthafucka STARTED. For REAL.

Here be another joint. Whoever made this, he gonna be at my Pyongyang Biennale. He almost as good at Warcraft as me.

I’m pretty fucking steamed right now, yo.

I just heard back from those punkass southern fucks at the Gwangju Biennale.

They rejected my Warcraft art.

Fucking assholes. I fucking worked forever on that shit, dog.

Shit is cash.

You should see my fucking elf bitches man. They are so fucking hot.

Those faggot asshole said that the Biennale was “invitation only”.

LOL, rite? Its like those fucks never heard of the J-Unit.

I’m like, I’m gonna ring this punk in charge, Massimiliano Gioni, and let him know that you don’t say no to the J-Unit. Cos the J-Unit, he gonna fuck you up, dawg.  But that lame ass Major Choe who’s all up in my shit ALL THE FUCKING TIME is all like “nah, man”. Says the old man wouldn’t like that. Says there be “channels” and shit we gotta take this shit through.

I’m like, fuck that shit, man. We should just do our own biennale. He says that be too much work and I’m like, fuck you you lazyass stoner bitch. I’m gonna do that. Pyongyang Biennale will be the fucking shizzle, man.

They don’t even have any proper artists at that fucking Gwangju thing, either. Also, no REAL Choson niggas just those southern pussyasses and round-eyes.

Can fucking Gustav Metzger draw a really fucking hot elf bitch killing an orc with a big ass +8 elven sword?

Has ANYONE ever heard of some punk called Bruce Nauman? I’ve been doing art for fucking ages man and I ain’t ever heard of any of those punks they got down there. Not just Warcraft shit, too, but Star Craft and all sorts of shit.

None of those punkasses even have have a deviantart account from what I can see. They’re just nobodies man. Unless they do that slash art shit. Man that’s fucked up. Who wants to see like two elf dudes hitting it? That’s fucked up man.

So that’s what I’m gonna do when I take over September 9.

Set up a Pyongyang Biennale. We’ll have one every year.

And I’m gonna fuck up Massimiliano Gioni and all those Gwangju bitches real bad.