Archive for the ‘Third Extraordinary Meeting of the Korean Workers Party’ Category

Y’all know me as a patient nigga, amirite?

Jong-Un? Yeah, he tha most patient muthafucka up in this muthafucka people be saying to me.

He tha most qualified nigga to be running this place but he got big love for the Old Man and big love for all his Party niggas so he be patient, yo. That be what they is saying also.

But there is one chump ass muthafucka makes me lose all my patience, yo.

Fuck you Alejandro Cao de Benós de Les y Pérez. Seriosly. Fuck you, man.

That nigga’s days are numbered, man, for real.

Check it. Tha A to tha C to tha little ass d and tha B be some kind of foreign representative of the Culture Ministry. He run this punk ass crew called the Korean Friendship Association in Spain. They organize tours for tha Round Eyes and shit and tell the world about the Juche ideal and how it be all ideal and shit and all the shit they be talking about tha D to tha P to tha R to tha K be all make believe and shit.

So basically he do all the chump ass shit that no one in the Master Race wanna do, yo.

And check it: we don’t even pay tha nigga. We just throw some scrawny ass hookers his way from time to time and make sure he got plenty of skratchy ass Mao suits and Kim Il-Sung badges and that nigga be good to go.

Funny thing is, he believing pretty much anything we saying to him. He believe shit that none of us even believe – and we be tha niggas that make it all up to begin with.

He say he wanna be a “soldier for Kim Jong-Il” and shit.

Maaaaaan. Most of my homies are for real “soldiers for Kim Jong-Il”. Lemme tell you man, it ain’t as much fun as he be making out, yo.

So there be a lot of suspicion about this nigga in the corridors of Choson Power. Also in the State Ministry for Gas & Water Supplies. Some people thinking he just some crazy nigga to be all loving on the DPRK. Some doctor said that it was a case of Yellow Fever that went all crazy ass. Like he just be digging on skinny ass bug chicks but somehow it all go messed up with fidelity to the revolutionary line of Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il or some shit.

Me, I just wish that Round Eye nigga wouldn’t clap and cheer so loudly at Party meetings.

For real. He be hollering so loud at that Extraordinary meeting we had that I could hear him from down the front from where he be sitting in the cheap ass round eyes seats way up the back.

You know what else I hate about the chump? The way he always posing and walking around like he some action figure. Check it:

He thinks he’s Buzz Lightyear or something.

And I hate the way the Old Man be all loving on him and shit. He be saying to me all the fucking time, “why can’t you be a faithful soldier of Kim Jong-Il like Alejandro?”

That shit’s for chumps, man.

He be all like, “Alejandro would never have endangered the security of our Peoples Republic’s counterfitting operations by ordering the printing houses to make up phoney US $69 dollar bills and then release them on the black market in Hong Kong strip clubs. Alejandro wouldn’t have gotten drunk and spewed up in Kim Dae-Jung’s limosine and endangered historic diplomatic talks. Alejandro wouldn’t sleep until noon every day. Alejandro wouldn’t contract dengue fever from screwing around with Burmese street hoes on a trade mission to Vietnam.”

Man. Some times I think the Old Man wishes that Alejandro was his son.

That gets me all hurt inside and shit.

I think I’m gonna plant a bag full of fake US dollars and a US passport in that niggas apartment when he’s next back in town. Let’s see how Mr Faithful Soldier explains that shit, yo…

I ain’t gonna lie to all y’all. Famous got its rewards, yo.

Check out all the famous muthafuckas that be friending me on MySpace, yo.

Dre. Snoop. Fiddy. Even that Round Eye chump James Blunt be giving props to the Brilliant Comrade.

Soulja Boy and Timbaland, too. Funny, see, because that boy Tell ‘Em was too busy to pick the phone when Major Choe be ringing him to get his ass over here to spit with the J-Unit at the meeting. The J-Unit famous, he be all adding me and shit. We be calling chumps like that fair weather niggaz, you feel me?

You can all add the 4 STAR G too, even if you ain’t famous or hot. I mean, James Blunt did.

I can’t even tell y’all some of the shit bitches be saying to me after seeing me on every news program and website and newspaper in the whole fucking world, yo. They be suspending this account if I printed some of that shit. Ha ha.

Here be an real old skool – like black and white old skool – joint by my nigga Planet Asia. Shows you how backwards they are in the USA, yo. We haven’t had black and white tv in Real Korea since the late 1980s. He be all about the Mother Ship and shit. Major Choe, he be into that Five Percenter game. Getting blunted mostly, but math, too. You know they all about the Mother Ship that be coming to fuck up the Round Eyes. I think they be talking about me, yo.

Finally the J-Unit be getting his props, yo.

All around the world the Choson Nigga Number 1, the 4 Star Muthafucking G be on the front page of newspapers and websites and shit.

Everyone be like, “yo, who this nigga styling in the black like Darth Vader, yo?”

But some muthafuckas gotta be hating, yo.

Some muthafuckas gotta be spreading lies and shit about the Brilliant Comrade, yo.

Like that chump ass round eye faggit Evan Ramstad from the Wall Street Journal.

Nigga be saying the J-Unit all “chubby cheeked”. Check it:

Chubby-cheeked and unsmiling, the younger Kim wears a dark suit that looks similar to his father’s well-known khaki track suit.

LOL, amiright? Chump ass faggit don’t even know I’s rocking tha FUBU Fat Albert brand business apparel.

And chubby-cheeked? Get real, nigga. I had a Snickers in my mouth when they took my picture, yo. Even some skinny ass wirey mutafucka – like my nigga Snoop – even Snoop be looking all chubby-cheeked and shit you snap that nigga when he got a Snickers in his mouth, yo.

Fuck these dumbass round eyes.

I mean, do I talk shit about Ramstad? Saying he a dumbass round eyes and bald and wearing glasses and shit?

He look like my science teacher from back when I was in Switzerland, yo. Except that nigga had better fashion sense, you feel me?

But is the 4 Star G talking shit about Ramstad?

That nigga be hating but I got one love for all the Round Eyes, yo.

Cycle of hatred not gonna get a nigga nowhere. Just ask my dead ass nigga 2Pac about that, yo.

– K to tha J to tha muthafucking U checking out.

Yo, it’s the 4 Star G y’all!

I got big love and mad props to send out to all my niggaz appointed and reappointed to the Central Committee of the Korean Workers Party:

Kim Jong Il, Kang Nung Su, Kang Tong Yun, Kang Sok Ju, Kang Phyo Yong, Kang Yang Mo, Ko Pyong Hyon, Kim Kuk Thae, Kim Kyong Hui, Kim Kyong Ok, Kim Ki Nam, Kim Ki Ryong, Kim Rak Hui, Kim Myong Guk, Kim Pyong Ryul, Kim Pyong Ho, Kim Song Dok, Kim Song Chol, Kim Jong Gak, Kim Jong Suk, Kim Jong Im, Kim Chang Sop, Kim Chol Man, Kim Chun Sam, Kim Thae Bong, Kim Phyong Hae, Kim Hyong Ryong, Kim Hyong Sik, Kim Hi Thaek, Kim Yang Gon, Kim Yong Nam, Kim Yong Chun, Kim Yong Il, Kim Yong Chol, Kim Yong Jin, Kim In Sik, Kim Won Hong, Kwak Pom Gi, Ryang Man Gil, Ryo Chun Sok, Ro Tu Chol, Ro Pae Gwon, Ryu Yong Sop, Ri Ryong Nam, Ri Man Gon, Ri Myong Su, Ri Mu Yong, Ri Pyong Sam, Ri Pyong Chol, Ri Pong Dok, Ri Pong Juk, Ri Thae Nam, Ri Hyong Gun, Ri Hi Hon, Ri Yong Gil, Ri Yong Su, Ri Yong Ho, Ri Yong Mu, Ri Yong Hwan, Ri Yong Chol, Ri Ul Sol, Rim Kyong Man, Mun Kyong Dok, Pak Kwang Chol, Pak To Chun, Pak Myong Chol, Pak Su Gil, Pak Sung Won, Pak Jong Sun, Pak Jong Gun, Pak Jae Gyong, Pak Thae Dok, Pak Ui Chun, Pyon Yong Rip, Pyon In Son, Paek Se Bong, Song Ja Rip, Jang Pyong Gyu, Jang Song Thaek, Jang Chol, Jon Kil Su, Jon Ryong Guk, Jon Pyong Ho, Jon Jin Su, Jon Chang Bok, Jon Ha Chol, Jon Hui Jong, Jong Myong Do, Jong Ho Gyun, Jong In Guk, Jo Kyong Chol, Jo Myong Rok, Jo Pyong Ju, Ju Kyu Chang, Ju Sang Song, Ju Yong Sik, Cha Sung Su, Chae Hui Jong, Choe Kyong Song, Choe Ryong Hae, Choe Pu Il, Choe Sang Ryo, Choe Thae Bok, Choe Hui Jong, Choe Yong Dok, Choe Yong Rim, Thae Jong Su, Han Kwang Bok, Han Tong Gun, Hyon Chol Hae, Hyon Yong Chol, Hong Sok Hyong, Hong In Bom, An Jong Su, Yang Tong Hun, Yang Hyong Sop, O Kuk Ryol, O Kum Chol, O Su Yong, O Il Jong, U Tong Chuk, Yun Tong Hyon and Yun Jong Rin.

Except for you, Kwak Pom Gi. Fuck you, you chump ass punk. I saw you cut me off last month in the carpark outside the basketball stadium before the game between April 25 and the Navy in that piece of shit rusted ass Hafei minivan you drive. Fuck you man, you can suck my dick.

Big ups to my alt niggaz, the alternative members of the CC:

Kang Ki Sop, Kang Kwan Ju, Kang Kwan Il, Kang Min Chol, Kang Hyong Bong, Ko Su Il, Kim Kyok Sik, Kim Kye Gwan, Kim Tong Un, Kim Tong Il, Kim Tong I, Kim Tong Il, Kim Myong Sik, Kim Pyong Hun, Kim Pong Ryong, Kim Chang Myong, Kim Chon Ho, Kim Chung Gol, Kim Thae Mun, Kim Hui Yong, Kim Yong Suk, Kim Yong Jae, Kim Yong Ho, Kim Yong Gwang, Kim U Ho, Kwon Hyok Bong, No Kwang Chol, Tong Jong Ho, Tong Yong Il, Ryom In Yun, Ro Kyong Jun, Ro Song Sil, Ryu Kyong, Ri Kuk Jun, Ri Ki Su, Ri Myong Gil, Ri Min Chol, Ri Sang Gun, Ri Song Gwon, Ri Su Yong, Ri Jong Sik, Ri Jae Il, Ri Je Son, Ri Chan Hwa, Ri Chang Han, Ri Chol, Ri Chun Il, Ri Thae Sop, Ri Thae Chol, Ri Hong Sop, Ri Hi Su, Ri Yong Ju, Ri Yong Ho, Ri Il Nam, Pak Ri Sun, Pak Pong Ju, Pak Chang Bom, Paek Kye Ryong, Paek Ryong Chon, So Tong Myong, Son Chong Nam, Song Kwang Chol, Sin Sung Hun, Jang Myong Hak, Jang Yong Gol, Jang Ho Chan, Jon Kyong Son, Jon Kwang Rok, Jon Song Ung, Jon Chang Rim, Jong Myong Hak, Jong Pong Phil, Jong Pong Gun, Jong Un Hak, Jo Song Hwan, Jo Jae Yong, Jo Yong Chol, Ji Jae Ryong, Cha Kyong Il, Cha Jin Sun, Cha Yong Myong, Choe Ki Ryong, Choe Kwan Jun, Choe Tae Il, Choe Pong Ho, Choe Chan Gon, Choe Chun Sik, Choe Hyon, Choe Yong Do, Choe Yong, Thae Hyong Chol, Han Chang Nam, Han Chang Sun, Han Hung Phyo, Ho Song Gil, Hyon Sang Ju, Hong Kwang Sun, Hong So Hon, Hong Sung Mu, Hwang Pyong So, Hwang Sun Hui, Hwang Hak Won, An Tong Chun, Yang In Guk and O Chol San

Except for Jon Song Ung, Ryom In Yung and Song Kwang Chol. What you ever done for the Brilliant Comrade, yo? You ain’t done shit for me you freeloading pussyass faggits. Hong So Hon, he my nigga, I know I can count on him, yo. I got mad love for my bro Jang Myong Hak. But I see you ignoring me in the lunch canteen. I see you whispering shit to eachother when I walk past. Fuck y’all haters I got plenty of friends. Fuck all y’all.

Nas and tha Junior Gong Comin’ atcha. This joint be for you Cha Jin Sun, I know you lovin’ on Nas.

– One Love, niggaz.

Yo, yo, yo. Check it out.

I’m a General now, yo.

You jealous, bitches?

Ha ha ha. Fuck all y’all haters because the J-Unit be the hardassest muthafucka up in this muthafucka. You feel me?

You don’t wanna mess with this, nigga. For real. I’ll fuck you up so bad, maaaaaan.

Anyway, this Extraordinary Meeting of the Party is getting underway. It’s just as boring as you’d expect, yo. All these speeches just go on and on and on and on. It’s hard not to fall asleep, yo. Especially since me and Major Choe is so totally blunted. We’ve been smoking so much of that sandnigga chronic that we be swapping that nuclear thingamyjig for that we’re almost out, yo. Choe’s going back down to Macao to meet with these hairy ass punks after the meeting is over.

Choe says we gotta ration this shit if we’re gonna get through this boring ass muthafucking meeting. We got some equithesin caps off of Choe’s buddy Cougar and I think we can huff that shit during the really boring speeches by all the really senior army peanuts.

Feels good to be a General but fuck me I’m bored.

Any fine ass bitches wanna drop by, I’ll be in seat RF89 for the next few days.

– General Choson Nigga Number 1 Cheking Out.

So the Old Man got out of the hospital last night. Today they’re calling all the delegates back today so we can start the meeting tomorrow.

Gonna be cash, yo.

It’s Jong-Un’s time now, nigga. Y’all better get out of the way.

I don’t think they’re gonna have time to let me spit my rhymes and drop my J-Science, but there be time for that later, yo.

My right-hand nigga Major Choe is pretty nervous. He’s hitting the chronic pretty early. He said he’s got a weird feeling that something bad’s gonna happen. I told him that pussy talk and he need to harden the fuck up, yo.

Nothing is gonna go wrong. It’s the J-Unit’s time, yo.

Wot up, niggaz? DPRKim Jong-Un comin’ at cha.

So we be chilling and waiting for the Third Extraordinary Meeting of the Korean Workers Party to get going, yo. We just hanging out rocking Star Craft with Team Kim Jong-Un and smoking up, when who be calling?

My sandnigga Gamal Mubarak, son of Big ‘Gyptian Hosni Mubarak.

Check it. Gamal be visiting this here Workers Gangsta’s Paradise a few years back when these chumpass Gyptian sandniggaz we be paying to renovate the worlds biggest and badassest hotel in Pyongyang was being dicks. They be all like “show us you got the money before we do the work, yo” and we be all like “we good for it, nigga, we good for it. Get back to work, yo.”

So Gamal, he come out here to sort that shit out, yo. Maybe explains why the hotel never got renovated, but there still be much love from the Master Race for Gamal. Nigga know how to party, know what I’m sayin’?

So Gamal be having a hard time back in Egypt with sandniggaz getting all up in his shit about taking over from his dad. He want advice, yo. So I tell him what I learned from that movie with the upside down dreams and Leo DiCaprio and Juno and shit – you gotta be your own sandnigga, yo.

If muthafuckas gonna fuck with you, you gotta lay down the law, dog. I be like, Gamal, you gotta ask yourself one thing, yo: What Would 2Pac Do?

He’d fuck those sandniggaz up, yo!

Here be some 2Pac remixed Big Pimpin’ fo’ my Big ‘Gyptian, yo.

Big love to the National Democratic Party of Egypt, yo.