Archive for the ‘Star Craft’ Category

While I been chillaxing after the DPR muthafucking K’s show of strength, I been bugged by this question ain’t no one answered for me yet. Check it, what tha J-Unit wanna know be:

How you like reserves team fagball in the Swiss second division, Cha Jong-Hyok you punk?

Lemme take y’all back a bit.

Cha be the right-back in the DRRK’s World Cup Fucking-Up soccer team.

They basically all chumps that discgraced tha muthaland and can suck tha Fresh Prince’s dick as far as tha Fresh Prince be concerned, but not everyone be agreeing with my opinion.

Some Swiss niggas from this team in the Swiss second division called FC Wil be hollering at us saying they want Cha to go play for them.

At the time, my homey Major Choe was working in the Ministry of Sport, because that comes under the supervision of the 3rd Armoured Infantry Division where he spent most of his career that he hasn’t spent in his own stoner ass dream world, so he knew all about this shit and how that shit came about.

When the Swiss holler come, the immediate response was, fuck it, we don’t want that chump ass nigga, you can take all those chump ass niggaz that aren’t Jong Tae-Se. For real, I got mad love for that nigga, yo, we play Star Craft II and WoW together all the time.

But then it be going to the Field Marshall and he not so keen. Thing is, Master Race nigga goes to Switzerland, it ain’t just him be going. We be sending like 5 or 6 other niggaz to keep and eye on that nigga make sure he don’t try to sell-out tha motherland to the Round Eye niggaz, you feel me?

Some niggaz just can’t be trusted, like that punk ass traitor Hwang Jang-Yop. We had to send that nigga a crazy ass hooker wanna be bouncy-bouncy all tha fucking time. It took like 3 months but finally she gave that 90 year old peanut a heart attack. We spent way too much money on that escapade, yo. Hwang got some stamina; I sure hope I still fucking that much when I’m 90. In the end, she had to stick this cattle prod up his ass to make the old guy quit it.

Anyway, this be mostly why we lovin’ on the J to tha T to tha muthafucking Se, you see? He lovin’ on Real Corea tha way only a nigga be living in Japan can be lovin’ on this joint, yo.

And the Field Marshall say that we can do that shit for sure if tha nigga gonna go somewhere that’s gonna bring in mad cash and props for the muthaland. Some place like Portsmouth, yo. FC Wil ain’t gonna bring tha muthaland shit, dawg.

But Choe, he a pussy ass nigga sometimes – and I be saying that out of non-fag luv, y’all, much as I got mad non-fag luv for all my Choson fagz, yo – and he be talking with Cha and goes to the Field Marshall to get him to reconsider.

Choe say that FC Wil ain’t so bad a place, they won a Swiss championship. Says the Swiss all neutral and shit, too. Says they be educatin’ me and my fat ass brother so they ain’t got no grudge against the Master Race, and even says that the Grandaddy of the DPR muthafucking K, John Lennon, he went and chillaxed in Switzerland when niggaz wanting to be icing his ass. Also says since there be a Master Race nigga already there, we can put them in the same apartment and use what niggaz we already got over there.

So the Field Marshall say ok and Cha goes to Wil. And Cha can’t get a fucking game at Wil. And, once again, Cha be disgracing tha muthaland with his chump ass fagball skillz.

And Choe gets demoted to tha position of military attache to tha Morningstar General for that fuck up.

Which brings us to today.

And my question:

How you like reserves team fagball in the Swiss second division Cha Jong-Hyok, you punk?

How you like fucking your muthaland in tha ass when we all go out on a limb for you, you punk?

O you a big man when you grinding out some boring ass no score draw against fucking Bhutan or Bangladesh or some penalty time win against Turkmenistan or some other make-belive shit hole, but when it comes to the second division of the Swiss league, you just a punk, Cha Jong-Hyok.

Nigga, you just a punk.


So after sitting around doing fuck all but smoking mad blunts and stylin on Star Craft waiting for this Third Extraordinary Meeting of the Korean Workers Party to get going so I can be named Choson Nigga Number 1, yo, now I gotta wait another week.

Fuck this shit, man.

This is some fucked up shit right here.

I mean, yeah, ok, we technically put the Old Man in the hospital but Major Choe says that his boss said that the Central Committee Under-Secretary said that he’s fine now. He still don’t want to see me, but I figure that’s cos he wants me to be my own man, yo.

Like in that movie, Interception. Choe brought that muthafucka back from Macao on DVD. We never saw the end because the guy filming it got kicked out of the movie theater, and we were too fucked up to really follow what was happening with all that upside down shit making me all sick and shit, but I got the message. Be your own man, J-Unit.

For Real.

So most of us are just going back to our regular lives for a week or so until this meeting be on for real. That’s what I gotta do, too, yo.

I gotta grab some pizza and then Team Kim Jong-Un is getting together for the first time in like 2 weeks for a major-ass Star Craft session.

Check ya l8r.

Peace out.

– J-Unit.

I’m pretty fucking steamed right now, yo.

I just heard back from those punkass southern fucks at the Gwangju Biennale.

They rejected my Warcraft art.

Fucking assholes. I fucking worked forever on that shit, dog.

Shit is cash.

You should see my fucking elf bitches man. They are so fucking hot.

Those faggot asshole said that the Biennale was “invitation only”.

LOL, rite? Its like those fucks never heard of the J-Unit.

I’m like, I’m gonna ring this punk in charge, Massimiliano Gioni, and let him know that you don’t say no to the J-Unit. Cos the J-Unit, he gonna fuck you up, dawg.  But that lame ass Major Choe who’s all up in my shit ALL THE FUCKING TIME is all like “nah, man”. Says the old man wouldn’t like that. Says there be “channels” and shit we gotta take this shit through.

I’m like, fuck that shit, man. We should just do our own biennale. He says that be too much work and I’m like, fuck you you lazyass stoner bitch. I’m gonna do that. Pyongyang Biennale will be the fucking shizzle, man.

They don’t even have any proper artists at that fucking Gwangju thing, either. Also, no REAL Choson niggas just those southern pussyasses and round-eyes.

Can fucking Gustav Metzger draw a really fucking hot elf bitch killing an orc with a big ass +8 elven sword?

Has ANYONE ever heard of some punk called Bruce Nauman? I’ve been doing art for fucking ages man and I ain’t ever heard of any of those punks they got down there. Not just Warcraft shit, too, but Star Craft and all sorts of shit.

None of those punkasses even have have a deviantart account from what I can see. They’re just nobodies man. Unless they do that slash art shit. Man that’s fucked up. Who wants to see like two elf dudes hitting it? That’s fucked up man.

So that’s what I’m gonna do when I take over September 9.

Set up a Pyongyang Biennale. We’ll have one every year.

And I’m gonna fuck up Massimiliano Gioni and all those Gwangju bitches real bad.

Beijing Sucks Ass

Posted: 2010EPMR +0000August GMT+000015PM J+0000215 in bitches, bling, China, computers, DPRK, food, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, North Korea, SNSD, Star Craft

So I got back last week from Beijing with my old man and some of his old fart army buddies.

They wanted me to meet some of their Chink army dudes. I went to all these fucking meetings where they just talked on and on about sinking boats and grain deliveries and the fucking Yankees and shit.

Beijing sucks ass, too. All those fucking lights hurt my eyes. I was walking around like after an all night Star Craft session with my team – Team Jong-Un.

In Pyongyang we know to turn the lights out at night. We gotta so those pussyass faggot yankees can’t know where the city is to blow it up and bomb it and shit.

They think we’re just these dumbass bitches but we’s smart like that. Man. I see Seoul all lit up at night and shit and I’m like man, I’m gonna lit that muthafucka up so bad one day and this bitch is all like fuck yeah, J-U.

Beijing is full of round-eyes too. Fuck I hate the round-eyes. We’ll sort those fucks out soon. Lit ’em up like Seoul, yeaaaah.

I got this pretty sweet blinged watch off this nigga at a market but. Pretty cheap too.

Dad says its important the image I’m gonna present when I start to meet with the round-eyes and those pussyass choson bitches in the south and shit.

Round-eye motherfuckers gotta know a guy with a blinging Rollecks is for real, amiright?

Wasn’t all bad, though.

Chink bitches are pretty hot. I told this general guy to go kidnap that Zhang Ziyi bitch and he said he would.

That was the best shit gramps used to do. Kidnapping all these Jap actresses and models and shit.

Jap bitches are cash, dawg.

Also, we got free internet at this hotel we stayed at. The Beijing Nanyuan Airport Holiday Inn Express. Man I was so fucking stuffing myself at that breakfast buffet I could hardly walk back to my room, man.

It’s fucking tiny compared to this bigass hotel we got in Pyongyang – biggest fucking hotel in the world, boyeee. Better believe it. We got the Presidential Suite. It was pretty sweet.

See what I did there faggot?

So I FINALLY got these patches to Win95 that sort out most of the crashes and shit. Those military fucks are gonna be so jealous when I get back and their airforce computers are still all crashing and shit and I’m there styling on Star Craft.

I also ate like a fucking ton of those prawn crackers. Dad said I could take a train carriage full back with me if I promised not to talk about Star Craft or SoShi in front of the Chinks. Those bitches are so hot.

Anyway, turns out when we got back it turns out that all the crackers was all soggy.

Dad said we couldn’t send the general to the coal mines because we needed him to fight the yankees and the southern faggots.

So we just killed the dumbass train dude who let that fucking shit happen and FUCKED UP MY WHOLE DAY.

Later nigga.

Peace out,

– Jong-Un

My Niggaz

Posted: 2010EPMR +0000August GMT+000015PM J+0000415 in 2Pac, Communism, Dead ass niggaz, DPRK, Kim Jong-Un, Niggaz, North Korea, Star Craft

These are my niggaz right here.

Fuck Jong-Nam and Jong-Chul.

Pussy asses.

I wanna party with these hardass niggaz.

Man, if these muthafuckas were on my Star Craft II team we would fucking dominate.

Bitches love that shit, man.

And you know what else, dawg? No UN mothafuckas ever fucked with these hardass nigga muthafuckas neither, man.

Yeah. These are my niggaz right here.

Also 2Pac.

Big love to my deadass nigga 2Pac. For Real.


– Jong-un