Archive for the ‘Soulja Boy’ Category

So once again tha J to tha K to tha muthafucking U gotta come at choo with some pissed off shit, yo.

So once again chump ass niggas be getting all up in a niggaz shit, where they got no right poking they chump ass nigga noses, yo.

I’s talking about Yongbyon, y’all.

Pussy ass southerners and the Round Eyes be all pissing themselves because we doing a little building work at the nuclear complex.

So fucking what, amirite?

I mean, they be pretending like WMDs ain’t the birthrite of the mighty Korean nation, yo. They saying that cos I is so young I gotta restart the nuke joint just to get my props. Fucking dumb asses don’t know I got mad props and big love from all my Choson niggaz already, yo. They don’t even know that it ain’t about a muthafuckas age, but about the joint he bringing. Check my nigga Soulja Boy. Or you wanna go old skool, my nigga Bow Wow.

In any case, all those niggaz be way off this time, yo. It ain’t like that at all.

Come here, yo. I got some big ass news to share with you all.

You wanna know what the ruckus up at Yongbyon really about, yo? Check it:

That’s right. The Fresh Prince of Pyongyang is starting a record company.

Yongbyong gonna be like my Paisley Park if y’all are loving on the old Prince – yo check it, he short enough to be from North Korea ha ha.

We making a recording studio up there and a pool house like tha old skool Fresh Prince used to live in in Cali and we be making a bball court and a nightclub.

Should all be ready next summer. We gonna kick that muthafucka off something feirce, yo. Be the party of the 2010s, y’all.

So chillax, bitches. Yongbyon my dealio and the J-Unit got it all in hand, yo.

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I ain’t gonna lie to all y’all. Famous got its rewards, yo.

Check out all the famous muthafuckas that be friending me on MySpace, yo.

Dre. Snoop. Fiddy. Even that Round Eye chump James Blunt be giving props to the Brilliant Comrade.

Soulja Boy and Timbaland, too. Funny, see, because that boy Tell ‘Em was too busy to pick the phone when Major Choe be ringing him to get his ass over here to spit with the J-Unit at the meeting. The J-Unit famous, he be all adding me and shit. We be calling chumps like that fair weather niggaz, you feel me?

You can all add the 4 STAR G too, even if you ain’t famous or hot. I mean, James Blunt did.

I can’t even tell y’all some of the shit bitches be saying to me after seeing me on every news program and website and newspaper in the whole fucking world, yo. They be suspending this account if I printed some of that shit. Ha ha.

Here be an real old skool – like black and white old skool – joint by my nigga Planet Asia. Shows you how backwards they are in the USA, yo. We haven’t had black and white tv in Real Korea since the late 1980s. He be all about the Mother Ship and shit. Major Choe, he be into that Five Percenter game. Getting blunted mostly, but math, too. You know they all about the Mother Ship that be coming to fuck up the Round Eyes. I think they be talking about me, yo.

I wan’t y’all to feel me on this one, yo.

I am real sorry I fucked up this here Third Extraordinary Meeting of the Korean Workers Party.

For real, nigga. I am really, really sorry.

Check it. Me and Major Choe was just kicking it backstage with this bigass blunt that we be smuggling in. That was cool though because the Generals told Choe to tell me that we should just chill backstage and not say shit and not do shit until we be called. Then I just say what be on the autocue.

I wasn’t even gonna get to spit my rhymes, yo. I be working on that joint for ages with my nigga Timbaland.

But I be cool. The J-Unit can go with shit, narmean? I know there be time for that later. Anyways that chumpass nigga soulja boy, he be letting his homies down. Choe say he wouldn’t answer his phone. He be blowing that muthafucka up all day, man. Nuthin.

So we’s just sitting back, getting blunted and chilling and shit and rocking the YouTube (at 4.8kb suck ass, amiright?) when who be walking past but some fine ass dancing girls all in shiney spandex.

We saw them yesterday rehearsing this joint they be doing with hoops and streamers and shit all about how the Army be the bedrock upon which the Peoples Republic be resting, yo. Man they was fine. I’m like, “I’m so up in that shit, yo.”

So I’m chatting with this bitch. And she be all giggling and shit and I’m like, “you know who I am?” and she be like, “no” and I be like “beeeeyatch! I be the Morningstar General, yo!”

And Choe, he be like, “nah, leave it man”.

But this bitch was into me, man, I could tell. So I’m like, “come party with the Morningstar General, yo. I can double your rations.” Her ass be kinda skinny is why. She hot, but she not like Kim Kardashian. She be my cousin and all but I would so hit it.

And then she be all like “lemme go, we gotta perform.”

And I be like, “don’t play me bitch, I know you want some of this.” And I be all grabbing myself and shit cos I KNOW she be into that shit. She pretend she all freaked out and shit and I be hurting her and shit but she be into it. Bitches always be like that, yo. She be all screaming and shit and that just be making me harder.

And that’s when her dad arrives.

He be like, “NIGGA WOT!?” except he don’t say that, but that be what he means. “Get away from my daughter!”

And I be like, “fuck you, old man. I be the Morningstar General, yo. They be writing mad joints about me walking in the footsteps of gramps and shit. Who the fuck you be, nigga!? You be no one, you punk.”

But turns out her dad be Kim Wa-Su, chairman of the Central Bank and a member of the Central Committee of the Korean Workers Party that be throwing this party, yo.

He be all clicking his fingers and shit and these soldiers be appearing from nowhere.

Major Choe, he be like he gonna piss his self and he go, “RUN!

So we run, yo.

We run so fucking fast that we be all bumping into people and walls and bitches and all sorts of shit.

Including the Old Man.

He go down like a sack of sweet potatoes, yo.

There be all doctors and soldiers and shit screaming and pushing us out of the way and carrying him out on this stretcher.

Choe be like, “man, we fucked up. We fucked up bad, man.”

I think he be right. No one has said nothing, but I think he be right. We went to the hospital he be staying at and we be asking the nurses – man they some hot ass nurses there – if we can see the Old Man, but they say “no visitors”. And I say, “but I’m his son, yo, I’m Kim Jong-Un!” And she look at her clipboard and say “especially not Kim Jong-Un.”

So it turns out this meeting be suspended for a little while until the Old Man be back on his feet.

No one said nothing to me, but I can tell they’s mad.

Worst part of it is I never even got to fuck that bitch in the shiny spandex.

Lemme run something by y’all this one time, yo.

We all know that I be taking OVER this nigga we be calling the D to tha P to tha R to tha muthafucking CHOSON NIGGAAAAA!!! on Sep 9, yo?

So I be getting my inauguration party together. Those round-eye Yankee chumps they get big parties and shit.

Why not the master race, yo?

So I be getting my plan on, dog. For real.

Dad still kinda butthurt about that thing with the dancing monkey over grandpa’s face so I be wanting to run this shit by you before I take it to him. Major Choe, he be my right hand nigga, but he still be sleeping off this epic Chronic he be trading some nuke shit with the hairy ass sandniggaz for. He no good.

So here what I be thinking, yo.

To open this mother fucker up have this poster all big:

That weed, it be all lit up and shining and shit. See weed be symbolizing new life and shit being all green and shit. Plus it shows that we be the cool ass Corea, not like them fucks down in the south.Fuck those chump ass punks.

Then we got this mad shit, yo. Check it:

These be the KARA JUCHE CAT bitches. Man that is so fucking hot. I be making my self so fucking hard when I be thinking that shit all up.

We have this bigass disco ball that actually be the real ass Choson symbol, see. It be real big, though. Big like a soccerball. Then we be having these KARA bitches be all singing and shit.

And they be dressed like cats.

Then we be having the main event.

It be my nigga. My nigga Soulja Boy.

He be coming out and doing this like medley of tributes to ALL my dead ass niggaz.

2Pac mostly, but my gramps, Kim Il-Sung, too.

He be joined by Snoop if tht stoner ass muthafucka Choe be awake in time to get his ass over here.

Soulja Boy be down. We be tight. He my nigga. He not let a nigga down, yo.

Then I come out at the end of all that and do this banga joint that I be working with Timbaland on, yo.

He say it be ready in time for Sep 9, but not before then, and we can’t release it or post it or nuthing because it gonna be the theme to EA NBA 2011.

They don’t make that shit for my SNES, yo. I played it one time at the mall when we went to Tokyo and it be ok. It ain’t Super Mario SNES, yo. You think Mario let his brother fuck that Princess? If I be him, I say no way. No way I be letting that junkie Jong-Chul or that old fuck Jong-Nam be fucking my bitch, yo. They get their own bitches.

Then when I give my shout-outs to ALL the niggaz deserve mad props, that be when we be seeing this, yo:

Ha ha. You be all like NIGGA WOT?

That be the new flag, yo.

It basically the old one, but it got some weed on it. It be reprsenting new life and shit.

So what you think? Shit be cash? I don’t wanna tell my dad yet and I gotta check with Major Choe but I be pretty sure this gonna be one wild ass meeting of the Korean Workers Party, yo!

– Mad props, homiez.