Archive for the ‘Snoop’ Category

I ain’t gonna lie to all y’all. Famous got its rewards, yo.

Check out all the famous muthafuckas that be friending me on MySpace, yo.

Dre. Snoop. Fiddy. Even that Round Eye chump James Blunt be giving props to the Brilliant Comrade.

Soulja Boy and Timbaland, too. Funny, see, because that boy Tell ‘Em was too busy to pick the phone when Major Choe be ringing him to get his ass over here to spit with the J-Unit at the meeting. The J-Unit famous, he be all adding me and shit. We be calling chumps like that fair weather niggaz, you feel me?

You can all add the 4 STAR G too, even if you ain’t famous or hot. I mean, James Blunt did.

I can’t even tell y’all some of the shit bitches be saying to me after seeing me on every news program and website and newspaper in the whole fucking world, yo. They be suspending this account if I printed some of that shit. Ha ha.

Here be an real old skool – like black and white old skool – joint by my nigga Planet Asia. Shows you how backwards they are in the USA, yo. We haven’t had black and white tv in Real Korea since the late 1980s. He be all about the Mother Ship and shit. Major Choe, he be into that Five Percenter game. Getting blunted mostly, but math, too. You know they all about the Mother Ship that be coming to fuck up the Round Eyes. I think they be talking about me, yo.

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Finally the J-Unit be getting his props, yo.

All around the world the Choson Nigga Number 1, the 4 Star Muthafucking G be on the front page of newspapers and websites and shit.

Everyone be like, “yo, who this nigga styling in the black like Darth Vader, yo?”

But some muthafuckas gotta be hating, yo.

Some muthafuckas gotta be spreading lies and shit about the Brilliant Comrade, yo.

Like that chump ass round eye faggit Evan Ramstad from the Wall Street Journal.

Nigga be saying the J-Unit all “chubby cheeked”. Check it:

Chubby-cheeked and unsmiling, the younger Kim wears a dark suit that looks similar to his father’s well-known khaki track suit.

LOL, amiright? Chump ass faggit don’t even know I’s rocking tha FUBU Fat Albert brand business apparel.

And chubby-cheeked? Get real, nigga. I had a Snickers in my mouth when they took my picture, yo. Even some skinny ass wirey mutafucka – like my nigga Snoop – even Snoop be looking all chubby-cheeked and shit you snap that nigga when he got a Snickers in his mouth, yo.

Fuck these dumbass round eyes.

I mean, do I talk shit about Ramstad? Saying he a dumbass round eyes and bald and wearing glasses and shit?

He look like my science teacher from back when I was in Switzerland, yo. Except that nigga had better fashion sense, you feel me?

But is the 4 Star G talking shit about Ramstad?

That nigga be hating but I got one love for all the Round Eyes, yo.

Cycle of hatred not gonna get a nigga nowhere. Just ask my dead ass nigga 2Pac about that, yo.

– K to tha J to tha muthafucking U checking out.

Lemme run something by y’all this one time, yo.

We all know that I be taking OVER this nigga we be calling the D to tha P to tha R to tha muthafucking CHOSON NIGGAAAAA!!! on Sep 9, yo?

So I be getting my inauguration party together. Those round-eye Yankee chumps they get big parties and shit.

Why not the master race, yo?

So I be getting my plan on, dog. For real.

Dad still kinda butthurt about that thing with the dancing monkey over grandpa’s face so I be wanting to run this shit by you before I take it to him. Major Choe, he be my right hand nigga, but he still be sleeping off this epic Chronic he be trading some nuke shit with the hairy ass sandniggaz for. He no good.

So here what I be thinking, yo.

To open this mother fucker up have this poster all big:

That weed, it be all lit up and shining and shit. See weed be symbolizing new life and shit being all green and shit. Plus it shows that we be the cool ass Corea, not like them fucks down in the south.Fuck those chump ass punks.

Then we got this mad shit, yo. Check it:

These be the KARA JUCHE CAT bitches. Man that is so fucking hot. I be making my self so fucking hard when I be thinking that shit all up.

We have this bigass disco ball that actually be the real ass Choson symbol, see. It be real big, though. Big like a soccerball. Then we be having these KARA bitches be all singing and shit.

And they be dressed like cats.

Then we be having the main event.

It be my nigga. My nigga Soulja Boy.

He be coming out and doing this like medley of tributes to ALL my dead ass niggaz.

2Pac mostly, but my gramps, Kim Il-Sung, too.

He be joined by Snoop if tht stoner ass muthafucka Choe be awake in time to get his ass over here.

Soulja Boy be down. We be tight. He my nigga. He not let a nigga down, yo.

Then I come out at the end of all that and do this banga joint that I be working with Timbaland on, yo.

He say it be ready in time for Sep 9, but not before then, and we can’t release it or post it or nuthing because it gonna be the theme to EA NBA 2011.

They don’t make that shit for my SNES, yo. I played it one time at the mall when we went to Tokyo and it be ok. It ain’t Super Mario SNES, yo. You think Mario let his brother fuck that Princess? If I be him, I say no way. No way I be letting that junkie Jong-Chul or that old fuck Jong-Nam be fucking my bitch, yo. They get their own bitches.

Then when I give my shout-outs to ALL the niggaz deserve mad props, that be when we be seeing this, yo:

Ha ha. You be all like NIGGA WOT?

That be the new flag, yo.

It basically the old one, but it got some weed on it. It be reprsenting new life and shit.

So what you think? Shit be cash? I don’t wanna tell my dad yet and I gotta check with Major Choe but I be pretty sure this gonna be one wild ass meeting of the Korean Workers Party, yo!

– Mad props, homiez.

So wasssup?

J-Unit be toasting right here, boi.

Major Choe, he be like my right-hand-nigga, he be coming back from Macao early this morning after I’s sent him there to sort out some shit wit my stash down there that that chumpass faggit Obama be all getting up in our shit for.

And tha news be good, nigga. Tha news be gooooood.

The Old Man be slowly handing shit over to me to take care of while he gets all old and shit and all talking about going back to the USSR where he grew up as a boy. And I’m like, that place don’t last no more, nigga. And his Generals they be all like, nah, we gotta pretend like you a real hard ass Choson bitch born and bred. Like Jong-Un.

So he let me do these fireworks and shit and some sattellite launches to make the internet go faster than fucking 4.8kb. Fireworks are cash, nigga. Except we was so fucking stoned on the day that we had to pay these army niggaz to do that shit for us.

Anyway, I’s starting to help out with the weapons and shit. Shit is boss. What we doing is swapping this nuclear technology stuff with these Afghan sandniggas and in return we be getting the dopest dope you ever fucking smoked, nigaaaaaaa!!! Shit be so epic, man. FUCK. That shit gonna knock you on your ass all day, man.

We also be getting smack and shit but we just send that shit to China and those pussy asses in the South. My older brother Jong-Chul, he be getting into that shit. We had to send that nigga to Cuba for like a fucking month to get clean. He told me he spent all the time fucking Latin bitches with Diego Maradona and he still parties. Tried to get Maradona to come coach our national team, but he got all confused and shit when we gave him a copy of Dad’s book On The Importance Of The Ideological Struggle For The Revolutionary & Scientifically Correct Ideology of Juche In The Sphere Of Sporting Excellence. Can’t say I blame the nigga.

So Major Choe be good at this shit. His dad used to be in charge of food and grain and shit and used to swap that shit for weapons. Now we be swapping weapons for weed. For real.

So Choe and I be spending all day smoking up and watching these pussy ass K-Pop DVDs he brung back with that kilo of Afghan weed. I’m gonna fuck that KARA band when they all dressed up like cats and shit. That is so hot. But man there is some pussy ass faggits they got down there. Look at these Dalmatian dawgs. Man. I don’t know if I should be kicking they asses or be fucking they asses, yo. They be some weakass niggaz right there.

They think they b-boys. Man. I am ten times a better rapper than any of those punkass bitches. Bitches should be licking the J-Unit’s face, yo. The J-Unit Crew, we be chilling right now. We be working on something with Timbaland for the inuaguration, though. Fucking banging that shit. You see.

So this what it be like up here in the Hermit Kingdom tonight, yo. Check it:

Ha ha ha. O man I is so fucking high…

Peace out to ALL my niggaz!

Big love to my nigga Snoop and my round-eye nigga Willie Nelson. This joint some cowboy shit, nigaaaaa. Git my money, buy my medicine, buy my medicine, buy my medicine. Yeah boyeee: