Archive for the ‘Round-Eyes’ Category

Check it out, y’all, tha BRILLIANT COMRADE got bitchez in high places, yo:

Interviewer: How would you handle a situation like the one that just developed in North Korea?

Palin: Well, North Korea, this is stemming from a greater problem, when we’re all sitting around asking, ‘Oh no, what are we going to do,’ and we’re not having a lot of faith that the White House is going to come out with a strong enough policy to sanction what it is that North Korea is going to do. So this speaks to a bigger picture that certainly scares me in terms of our national security policy. But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies – we’re bound to by treaty….

Interviewer: South Korean.

Palin: Yes, and we’re also bound by prudence to stand with our South Korean allies, yes.

Sarah Palin be some crazy ass Round Eyes bitch who be all over tha tv. I think she like a older and less hotter version of my cousin I’m gonna marry Kim Kardashian – she famous for nothing. Good to know that celebrities be loving on tha J-UNIT. Sure I be into this ledership game but I be thinking that once I be getting bored with this shit right here, Hollywood really be where I seeing myself in tha future.  Once I get my recording studio all sorted and start droppin sum proletarian science onto wax, yo, then I be making a name for myself in showbiz yo and I be guessing then it just a matter of time, yo.

BC be on Roc–A–Fella pretty soon and fuck all y’all devils that be sayin othawize.

Big news, y’all.

Tha Fresh Prince of Pyongyang’s favourite Round Eyed Afriniggaz be coming atcha with some sweet ass joints next week.

Die Antwoord be tha dopest shit on that dark ass continent that ain’t the missiles and blunt ass machetes we sold to those rebels in the Congo in return for all that mad bling a year or so back, yo.

I think this joint Evil Boy be all about the J-Unit, yo.

Check it. Tha 4 STAR G be in negotiations via my nigga Major Choe to get this joint released here in Azya thru my Yongbyon Records.

Yolandi some weird ass lokking bitch. Still, in the dark ass alleys of Hanoi and Rangoon, the J-Unit fucked stranger looking chicks. There be rumours for mad years now that Ri Chun Il, one of my alt niggaz on the Central Committee once fucked an Orangutan. We sent that crazy ass muthafucka to Indonesia to try to get those fez-wearing fucks to buy some of our missiles to shoot at those Round Eye chumps Ausfalia. He didn’t sell any missiles, but Choe said he heard from his friend in the miliary front company in Macao that Ri fucked the monkey. Said there be some myth it makes you all virile and shit. The Fresh Prince’s seed be pure, so fuck that shit, maaan.

One love Afrika.

– K to tha J to tha muthafucking U

So once again tha J to tha K to tha muthafucking U gotta come at choo with some pissed off shit, yo.

So once again chump ass niggas be getting all up in a niggaz shit, where they got no right poking they chump ass nigga noses, yo.

I’s talking about Yongbyon, y’all.

Pussy ass southerners and the Round Eyes be all pissing themselves because we doing a little building work at the nuclear complex.

So fucking what, amirite?

I mean, they be pretending like WMDs ain’t the birthrite of the mighty Korean nation, yo. They saying that cos I is so young I gotta restart the nuke joint just to get my props. Fucking dumb asses don’t know I got mad props and big love from all my Choson niggaz already, yo. They don’t even know that it ain’t about a muthafuckas age, but about the joint he bringing. Check my nigga Soulja Boy. Or you wanna go old skool, my nigga Bow Wow.

In any case, all those niggaz be way off this time, yo. It ain’t like that at all.

Come here, yo. I got some big ass news to share with you all.

You wanna know what the ruckus up at Yongbyon really about, yo? Check it:

That’s right. The Fresh Prince of Pyongyang is starting a record company.

Yongbyong gonna be like my Paisley Park if y’all are loving on the old Prince – yo check it, he short enough to be from North Korea ha ha.

We making a recording studio up there and a pool house like tha old skool Fresh Prince used to live in in Cali and we be making a bball court and a nightclub.

Should all be ready next summer. We gonna kick that muthafucka off something feirce, yo. Be the party of the 2010s, y’all.

So chillax, bitches. Yongbyon my dealio and the J-Unit got it all in hand, yo.

Y’all know me as a patient nigga, amirite?

Jong-Un? Yeah, he tha most patient muthafucka up in this muthafucka people be saying to me.

He tha most qualified nigga to be running this place but he got big love for the Old Man and big love for all his Party niggas so he be patient, yo. That be what they is saying also.

But there is one chump ass muthafucka makes me lose all my patience, yo.

Fuck you Alejandro Cao de Benós de Les y Pérez. Seriosly. Fuck you, man.

That nigga’s days are numbered, man, for real.

Check it. Tha A to tha C to tha little ass d and tha B be some kind of foreign representative of the Culture Ministry. He run this punk ass crew called the Korean Friendship Association in Spain. They organize tours for tha Round Eyes and shit and tell the world about the Juche ideal and how it be all ideal and shit and all the shit they be talking about tha D to tha P to tha R to tha K be all make believe and shit.

So basically he do all the chump ass shit that no one in the Master Race wanna do, yo.

And check it: we don’t even pay tha nigga. We just throw some scrawny ass hookers his way from time to time and make sure he got plenty of skratchy ass Mao suits and Kim Il-Sung badges and that nigga be good to go.

Funny thing is, he believing pretty much anything we saying to him. He believe shit that none of us even believe – and we be tha niggas that make it all up to begin with.

He say he wanna be a “soldier for Kim Jong-Il” and shit.

Maaaaaan. Most of my homies are for real “soldiers for Kim Jong-Il”. Lemme tell you man, it ain’t as much fun as he be making out, yo.

So there be a lot of suspicion about this nigga in the corridors of Choson Power. Also in the State Ministry for Gas & Water Supplies. Some people thinking he just some crazy nigga to be all loving on the DPRK. Some doctor said that it was a case of Yellow Fever that went all crazy ass. Like he just be digging on skinny ass bug chicks but somehow it all go messed up with fidelity to the revolutionary line of Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il or some shit.

Me, I just wish that Round Eye nigga wouldn’t clap and cheer so loudly at Party meetings.

For real. He be hollering so loud at that Extraordinary meeting we had that I could hear him from down the front from where he be sitting in the cheap ass round eyes seats way up the back.

You know what else I hate about the chump? The way he always posing and walking around like he some action figure. Check it:

He thinks he’s Buzz Lightyear or something.

And I hate the way the Old Man be all loving on him and shit. He be saying to me all the fucking time, “why can’t you be a faithful soldier of Kim Jong-Il like Alejandro?”

That shit’s for chumps, man.

He be all like, “Alejandro would never have endangered the security of our Peoples Republic’s counterfitting operations by ordering the printing houses to make up phoney US $69 dollar bills and then release them on the black market in Hong Kong strip clubs. Alejandro wouldn’t have gotten drunk and spewed up in Kim Dae-Jung’s limosine and endangered historic diplomatic talks. Alejandro wouldn’t sleep until noon every day. Alejandro wouldn’t contract dengue fever from screwing around with Burmese street hoes on a trade mission to Vietnam.”

Man. Some times I think the Old Man wishes that Alejandro was his son.

That gets me all hurt inside and shit.

I think I’m gonna plant a bag full of fake US dollars and a US passport in that niggas apartment when he’s next back in town. Let’s see how Mr Faithful Soldier explains that shit, yo…

The J-Unit Be Crying On Tha Insidez, Yo

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000October UTC00AM J+000070 in DPRK, haters, Kim Jong-Un, North Korea, Round-Eyes, South Korea
Tags:

I’m a hard ass nigga, yo. Ask anyone up in this democratic peoples muthafucaka and that be what they say.

You can’t play tha Fresh Prince of Pyongyang, yo. O you welcome to try, foo‘, but it ain’t gonna happen.

But this don’t mean tha J-Unit don’t got feelings, dawg.

It don’t mean tha 4 STAR MUTHAFUCKING G don’t emphathize, yo.

It don’t mean tha Choson Nigga Number 1 never got his heart all broke ass.

I be doing my national security review of what’s happening down south in that pussy ass “army” they got.

I find this story, yo. It be about a King.

Nigga, wot? you be all like. That ain’t so sad, you be thinking. But check it. Tha King and his half-a-round eyes Yanqui boi be all falling in love and shit, yo.

But last spring our weekly trips ended when the King started his two-year military service commitment. I watched as he made clumsy salutes from a haphazard formation. As he marched away, both he and his mother were crying, but I knew that I could not. Over the next two months we exchanged daily letters until reunion day, when the King’s parents filled his new army-issue dresser with extra clothes and packs of instant ramen, and he and I strained under our feigned platonic friendship.

In the weeks since, our relationship has been under greater suspicion. Despite being a soldier he has most weekends off, and we typically spend them together. When the King’s mom asked him three times why I didn’t have a girlfriend, each time he said I was too busy. Unsatisfied, she asked me the same question. Eventually she asked him if I was gay, but not if he was. A month later his sister confronted him about us and he reluctantly confirmed it. He had hoped she would be supportive. Instead, she threatened to tell their parents.

You see now, nigga? The J-Unit be crying on tha insidez after reading that, yo.

Tha King and tha Round Eyes, they just wanna be fags together and be in love and shit.

Like me and my cousin, Kim Kardashian. Some fools saying that be wrong. I say fuck those dumb ass chumps. It be all love, yo.

So tha J-Unit cool with fag love, yo. The deputy head of foreign asset management in the Central Bank who me and Choe be dealing with when we be dealing weed for weapons – or weapons for weed – my Nigga Yung-Gu, he be all faggy like that. It ain’t no thing. It no one;s business but they’s, or that tha way tha Fresh Prince sees it anyways.

Tha J-Unit got big non-fag love for all my Choson Fagz.

Tha J-Unit be all disappoint with my far-away Choson nigga in tha big ass Satan being all hatin’ on the fagz also.

That’s lame ass. Didn’t we learn nothin’ from Slim Shady and Elton, yo?

Check it, bitchez. I gone and subtitled this shit so you could learn you chump asses something.

– One love to all my fagz, yo!

I ain’t gonna lie to all y’all. Famous got its rewards, yo.

Check out all the famous muthafuckas that be friending me on MySpace, yo.

Dre. Snoop. Fiddy. Even that Round Eye chump James Blunt be giving props to the Brilliant Comrade.

Soulja Boy and Timbaland, too. Funny, see, because that boy Tell ‘Em was too busy to pick the phone when Major Choe be ringing him to get his ass over here to spit with the J-Unit at the meeting. The J-Unit famous, he be all adding me and shit. We be calling chumps like that fair weather niggaz, you feel me?

You can all add the 4 STAR G too, even if you ain’t famous or hot. I mean, James Blunt did.

I can’t even tell y’all some of the shit bitches be saying to me after seeing me on every news program and website and newspaper in the whole fucking world, yo. They be suspending this account if I printed some of that shit. Ha ha.

Here be an real old skool – like black and white old skool – joint by my nigga Planet Asia. Shows you how backwards they are in the USA, yo. We haven’t had black and white tv in Real Korea since the late 1980s. He be all about the Mother Ship and shit. Major Choe, he be into that Five Percenter game. Getting blunted mostly, but math, too. You know they all about the Mother Ship that be coming to fuck up the Round Eyes. I think they be talking about me, yo.

Finally the J-Unit be getting his props, yo.

All around the world the Choson Nigga Number 1, the 4 Star Muthafucking G be on the front page of newspapers and websites and shit.

Everyone be like, “yo, who this nigga styling in the black like Darth Vader, yo?”

But some muthafuckas gotta be hating, yo.

Some muthafuckas gotta be spreading lies and shit about the Brilliant Comrade, yo.

Like that chump ass round eye faggit Evan Ramstad from the Wall Street Journal.

Nigga be saying the J-Unit all “chubby cheeked”. Check it:

Chubby-cheeked and unsmiling, the younger Kim wears a dark suit that looks similar to his father’s well-known khaki track suit.

LOL, amiright? Chump ass faggit don’t even know I’s rocking tha FUBU Fat Albert brand business apparel.

And chubby-cheeked? Get real, nigga. I had a Snickers in my mouth when they took my picture, yo. Even some skinny ass wirey mutafucka – like my nigga Snoop – even Snoop be looking all chubby-cheeked and shit you snap that nigga when he got a Snickers in his mouth, yo.

Fuck these dumbass round eyes.

I mean, do I talk shit about Ramstad? Saying he a dumbass round eyes and bald and wearing glasses and shit?

He look like my science teacher from back when I was in Switzerland, yo. Except that nigga had better fashion sense, you feel me?

But is the 4 Star G talking shit about Ramstad?

That nigga be hating but I got one love for all the Round Eyes, yo.

Cycle of hatred not gonna get a nigga nowhere. Just ask my dead ass nigga 2Pac about that, yo.

– K to tha J to tha muthafucking U checking out.