Archive for the ‘Macao’ Category

A big weekend for the 4 STAR G, yo.

Went down in Macao with my homie Major Choe and his dad, the Ambassador to China Pyong-Gwan, or Big Choe as I call him, on Friday.

You know we be running out of that weed that we be exchanging those nuclear weapons parts with tha Afghan Al Qaeda punx for, yo? It was time for Round 2. But Choe’s dad be saying we also needing mad cash from those punx, too. Says the peaceful reunification of the Korean Peninsula under the enlightened leadership of Kim Jong-Il, and with fidelity to the doctrines of Juche and Songun ain’t gonna pay for itself, yo.

It was all sorted, yo.

Me and Major Choe and Major Choe’s dad was supposed to meet with this Saudi businessman in the private gaming room number 47A of the MGM Grand Macao casino.

It was all going to plan, too.

We’s sitting there drinking our Monkey Gland cocktails when tha sandnigga walks in.

That be when tha trouble starts, yo.

Ok, maybe like my dad be saying when I got home this morning and told him my side of the dialectical equation that it all started to go to shit after my fifth Monkey Gland. Maybe.

Anyway, the sandnigga walks in and he go all like, “I am here on behalf of the Foreign Minister, his Highness Prince Saud al-Faisal.”

That when I lose it, yo.

They punked me, yo.

Prince Saud al-Faisal?¬† He tha same guy that be talking all shit to my girl Kim Kardashian and telling her not to be friending me on MySpace and shit. He tha same guy I’s gonna nuke at tha G20 if she don’t add me, yo!

They punking me, yo!

So I say “no way man! No way I gonna be punked like this and be giving this warhead over to some representative of that chump, yo.” I be like, “check it, we out of here. We ain’t being punked like some punk ass punks, yo. We gone, man, we fucking gone, yo.”

And the Saudi be all like “we got a deal” and shit as if he ain’t just there to punk me, yo.

So I don’t really know but some how we all be getting into a fight until security be coming to separate us.

Big Choe be explaining how he a very important person and he got immunity and shit. So when he and Little Choe be stopping the security guards from looking in the diplomatic bag with the warhead in it, that’s when I made a run for it, yo.

Man I never run so fast in my life. Except that time that me and Little Choe be running away from the head of the Central Bank after I be all hitting on his daughter.

Man, they was good times…

So I got back to the hotel we be at, tha Best Western Sun Sun, and I be calling Little Choe on his phone, but there be no answer, yo.

I keep blowing that chump up for like a half an hour but there still no answer.

So I be all like, “fuck it, nigga think he too good to party with the J-Unit, I’ll have my own party, yo” and I went to find me some hookers.

So when I get back to Pyongyang this morning, some army chumps waiting at the airport. They take me straight to my dad’s pad. I’s thinking he’s gonna wanna watch more dirty movies, but it ain’t like that. Luckily, all it be is that Big Choe and Little Choe were kicked out of Macao and ain’t never allowed back.

The old man told me that we had to pay the Chinese a whole lot of money to cover up the fact that we left a nuclear warhead in the casino. Says they ain’t gonna give it back, neither. Says they be saying we can’t be trusted and we fucked up bad this time. Says he be saying that peaceful nuclear development be the birthright of the Korean nation, yo, but they still say they not giving it back.

He also be saying that if the MGM headquarters find out what we did in their Macao casino that they’ll probably tell the CIA or something and then we’ll really be fucked.

Says that Big Choe been replaced as Ambassador to China, too.

And that Little Choe ain’t gonna be my military attach√© no more.

Says they both fucked up big time when they agreed to let me come with them, yo. The old man says they paying the price for my incompetence.

He ask me how that feels, yo. And how it feels to be gonna lead the whole Korean people to ruin, yo. And how it feel to be as big a fuck up as my fat fuck brother Jong-Nam, yo.

I say I’s just glad we not gonna have to watch pornos together again. That was hella creepy last time.

This joint for my nigga Little Choe, yo. I sure hope you like digging coal or being a laboratory experiment or whatever else they be got you doin’. Even though you gone we still a team…

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Big news, y’all.

Tha Fresh Prince of Pyongyang’s favourite Round Eyed Afriniggaz be coming atcha with some sweet ass joints next week.

Die Antwoord be tha dopest shit on that dark ass continent that ain’t the missiles and blunt ass machetes we sold to those rebels in the Congo in return for all that mad bling a year or so back, yo.

I think this joint Evil Boy be all about the J-Unit, yo.

Check it. Tha 4 STAR G be in negotiations via my nigga Major Choe to get this joint released here in Azya thru my Yongbyon Records.

Yolandi some weird ass lokking bitch. Still, in the dark ass alleys of Hanoi and Rangoon, the J-Unit fucked stranger looking chicks. There be rumours for mad years now that Ri Chun Il, one of my alt niggaz on the Central Committee once fucked an Orangutan. We sent that crazy ass muthafucka to Indonesia to try to get those fez-wearing fucks to buy some of our missiles to shoot at those Round Eye chumps Ausfalia. He didn’t sell any missiles, but Choe said he heard from his friend in the miliary front company in Macao that Ri fucked the monkey. Said there be some myth it makes you all virile and shit. The Fresh Prince’s seed be pure, so fuck that shit, maaan.

One love Afrika.

– K to tha J to tha muthafucking U

So wasssup?

J-Unit be toasting right here, boi.

Major Choe, he be like my right-hand-nigga, he be coming back from Macao early this morning after I’s sent him there to sort out some shit wit my stash down there that that chumpass faggit Obama be all getting up in our shit for.

And tha news be good, nigga. Tha news be gooooood.

The Old Man be slowly handing shit over to me to take care of while he gets all old and shit and all talking about going back to the USSR where he grew up as a boy. And I’m like, that place don’t last no more, nigga. And his Generals they be all like, nah, we gotta pretend like you a real hard ass Choson bitch born and bred. Like Jong-Un.

So he let me do these fireworks and shit and some sattellite launches to make the internet go faster than fucking 4.8kb. Fireworks are cash, nigga. Except we was so fucking stoned on the day that we had to pay these army niggaz to do that shit for us.

Anyway, I’s starting to help out with the weapons and shit. Shit is boss. What we doing is swapping this nuclear technology stuff with these Afghan sandniggas and in return we be getting the dopest dope you ever fucking smoked, nigaaaaaaa!!! Shit be so epic, man. FUCK. That shit gonna knock you on your ass all day, man.

We also be getting smack and shit but we just send that shit to China and those pussy asses in the South. My older brother Jong-Chul, he be getting into that shit. We had to send that nigga to Cuba for like a fucking month to get clean. He told me he spent all the time fucking Latin bitches with Diego Maradona and he still parties. Tried to get Maradona to come coach our national team, but he got all confused and shit when we gave him a copy of Dad’s book On The Importance Of The Ideological Struggle For The Revolutionary & Scientifically Correct Ideology of Juche In The Sphere Of Sporting Excellence. Can’t say I blame the nigga.

So Major Choe be good at this shit. His dad used to be in charge of food and grain and shit and used to swap that shit for weapons. Now we be swapping weapons for weed. For real.

So Choe and I be spending all day smoking up and watching these pussy ass K-Pop DVDs he brung back with that kilo of Afghan weed. I’m gonna fuck that KARA band when they all dressed up like cats and shit. That is so hot. But man there is some pussy ass faggits they got down there. Look at these Dalmatian dawgs. Man. I don’t know if I should be kicking they asses or be fucking they asses, yo. They be some weakass niggaz right there.

They think they b-boys. Man. I am ten times a better rapper than any of those punkass bitches. Bitches should be licking the J-Unit’s face, yo. The J-Unit Crew, we be chilling right now. We be working on something with Timbaland for the inuaguration, though. Fucking banging that shit. You see.

So this what it be like up here in the Hermit Kingdom tonight, yo. Check it:

Ha ha ha. O man I is so fucking high…

Peace out to ALL my niggaz!

Big love to my nigga Snoop and my round-eye nigga Willie Nelson. This joint some cowboy shit, nigaaaaa. Git my money, buy my medicine, buy my medicine, buy my medicine. Yeah boyeee:

Where My Pizza At You SoShi Bitches?

Posted: 2010EPMR +0000September UTC22PM J+0000422 in bitches, DPRK, food, Kim Jong-Un, Macao, North Korea, SNSD, weed

Yo wassup? J-Unit be chillin’ and just waiting for this bigass storm to pass and for Choe to make his slowass slacker way back from Macao. I wonder what he gonna bring back in his diplomat bag? Knowing him it just be weed and porno, man. That’s why I love that nigga, yo. Not like a faggot, like a bro, you know what I’m sayin?

So I’m getting all hungry and shit cos all the waitors be out fixing shit from the storm and ain’t no one here to cook me nothing. And so I’m thinking I should get me a pizza.

And I’m thinking I should get those hotass bitches from SoShi to come deliver my pizza, yo.

This punkass on the phone be all sniggering and shit when I ring ’em up. I gonna have to lit that nigga up my pizza don’t get here soon.

– Check yo’self.

– *K* 2tha *J* 2thamuthafuking *U*

– Pizza out, Niggaaaaa!

Obama Be Fucking Wit My Stash

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000September UTC11AM J+0000411 in bball, business, DPRK, joints, Kim Jong-Un, Korean storms, Macao, North Korea, Obama

There be all storms and shit up here rite now.

Knocked the fucking bball hoop down, yo. This be some hardass storms all up in my ass all a sudden so I can’t practice my moves.

Tha J-Unit got bigger shit flipping then that shit, yo.

Check it.

Obama be fucking wit my stash.

Don’t no muthafucka go fucking wit my stash.

He don’t know who he dealing with. You don’t fuck wit da Choson Nigga Number One and fucking walk away from that shit, yo.

Yankees be putting all these sanctions and shit on all these money niggaz we got working for us down in Macao. They saying we selling meth to the Chinks and that pussyass fake Choson down south and we be buying weapons and shit.

Yea. So. The K to tha J to tha muthafucking U he got a lil hussle goin’.

Problem, bitch?

We ain’t forcing those crack heads to buy our shit man. This be free market business shit, man.

Who Obama to come fucking with my business, yo? Who tha fuck he think he is?

So I gotta send that slow ass stoner fuck Major Choe down to Macao to meet with these Chink Portugwese money niggaz and sort this shit out fast man.

You been to Macao? Shit is cash. All them casinos.

Nigga like the J-Unit can clean up.

Shit yeah. We be dealing wit dis shit right here.

Then we be dealing with that Chumpass faggot Obama.

Don’t no muthafucka go fucking wit my stash.

Anyway, dis be my joint right here, yo. Hardass Soviet banga shit. Fuck yeah. Gully Platoon. Right here.