Archive for the ‘Gwangju’ Category

The J-UNIT gonna be taking a little study trip, yo.

Military Intelligence says I can’t say where – CHUMP KOREA & AUSFALIA!!! – and I sure as shit can’t say when – NEXT WEEK, Y’ALL!!! – but it’s gonna happen, yo.

Officially it’s like those trips around the country that my gramps, Kim Il-Sung used to take. The Korean Central News Agency be reporting on them all the time. They in story books and shit. They mostly about how he fought tha Japs and healed some leppers and made blind people see. With weed, I guess. Major Choe said weed be good for that. That before Choe got sent away.

Unofficially, though, the old man thinks it would be good for me to just get away from the stress and media attention and shit. It’s pretty intense. I can’t walk down the street without bitches being all throwing themselves at me and shit. Everyone wanting my autograph and advice on how to increase industrial or agricultural production by they reaffirming commitment to tha guiding principles of Juche and Songun and shit.

I’m pretty fucking excited, yo.

But I’s also pretty fucking pissed off as well.

Check it, I spent most of tha day on the Korean Air site trying to book my flights. Air Koryo banned me for life last year after I be glassing that chump ass faggit pilot who be telling the stewardesses to be 86ing me on tha small wines.

Not that I’d fly with those chumps ever again anyway. Check it – have you seen the fucking huge number of points a nigga be needing on the Air Koryo frequent flyer program for even an upgrade to business? It fucking crazy, yo. Fuck that shit man.

Problem is Korean Air weren’t accepting my DPRK Central Bank issued visa card and they refused my Banco Delta Asia AmEx. Same with Asiana, yo – they be to Korean Air what South Korea is to Real Korea, yo. It’s fucking crazyass, maaaan! Is my laundered money no good to you punks? We all know how poor Pussy Ass Korea is, yo. We all know it just a disease-infested American chump colony, yo. So why they be rejecting my money?

So my options basically be (1) cancel my holiday or (2) bite tha muthafucking bullet and get tha train to Dandong and take Ryan Air. So obviously I wanna cancel, rite?

Problem is tha old man say, no way I can just hanging around Pyongyang all winter. He say I either take the trip or I go do something “productive” with my time like take a course at Pyongyang Community College. Learn to speak Chinese or how to speed type or something.

So Ryan Air it is. Worse than Koryo, yo, but I can’t wait to get on tha road.

P.s. Look out Massimiliano Gioni – I wasn’t kidding when I said I was gonna fuck you up, you punk ass poseur.

P.p.s. So wanna fuck tha Korea Air error message cartoon bitch. So fucking hot, maaaaaan.

So fucking hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot


Storms still be blowing and shit and man am I steaming.

This time it ain’t those pussyass haters down in Gwangju with their bullshit Biennale and fake artists and shit.

It be the old man.

Y’all know how I’m taking over and shit in a little bit, rite? They be calling me the Morningstar General and the Choson Nigga Number One and all that shit, yeah?

So the old man is all like, Jong-Un, you best be getting your cabinet and advisers and shit in order. He’s like, I’m gonna need some hardass niggaz around me to advise me on shit like the economy and food and the internet and shit.

And he’s saying all like how I need niggaz I can trust and shit, cos I can’t have no backstabbing muthafuckas that gonna go stabbing me in the back when I got back turned. Word.

That ain’t why I’m angry though, yo.

This be good advise from the old man. For real. Nigga gotta keep a hold of what’s his.

But then he’s like, you should appoint the head of the army, Wonsu Kim Yong-Chun to be your chief adviser.

And I’m all like Nigga wot?

And he’s like he’s been doing what the Party says since the battle of Naktong Bulge or some shit.

And I’m like, I don’t care about that, what’s some wrinkled old peanut fuck gonna advise me on? He’s like fucking older than the Amiga, man.

I said this is my cabinet and my advisers and I’m gonna choose who I want.

And the old man’s like, so who you want?

And I say Shaggy 2 Dope.

And the old man, he just doesn’t say anything.

So I have to fucking explain the fucking Clown Posse all over again and about how S2D be the illest muthafucka in wrestling  too. He be my military adviser and he can party down.

And then I say I want Steve Cleveland to be my other adviser.

And he doesn’t know who that is either.

And I’m like, nigga only be like the best coach in the Mountain West College bball conference.

And the old man, he’s like shaking his head and shit and he calls for his nurse to take him away. And I’m like, bitch, soon it be my ass you be wiping. And the old man, he’s just  saying like “I think I have made a big mistake.”

And I’m like, “for real, nigga. Word.” That be the smartest thing that old man ever said.

So when Major Choe gets back from Macao, I’m gonna send him to go get Shaggy and Steve and then we be getting this muthafucka STARTED. For REAL.

Here be another joint. Whoever made this, he gonna be at my Pyongyang Biennale. He almost as good at Warcraft as me.

I’m pretty fucking steamed right now, yo.

I just heard back from those punkass southern fucks at the Gwangju Biennale.

They rejected my Warcraft art.

Fucking assholes. I fucking worked forever on that shit, dog.

Shit is cash.

You should see my fucking elf bitches man. They are so fucking hot.

Those faggot asshole said that the Biennale was “invitation only”.

LOL, rite? Its like those fucks never heard of the J-Unit.

I’m like, I’m gonna ring this punk in charge, Massimiliano Gioni, and let him know that you don’t say no to the J-Unit. Cos the J-Unit, he gonna fuck you up, dawg.  But that lame ass Major Choe who’s all up in my shit ALL THE FUCKING TIME is all like “nah, man”. Says the old man wouldn’t like that. Says there be “channels” and shit we gotta take this shit through.

I’m like, fuck that shit, man. We should just do our own biennale. He says that be too much work and I’m like, fuck you you lazyass stoner bitch. I’m gonna do that. Pyongyang Biennale will be the fucking shizzle, man.

They don’t even have any proper artists at that fucking Gwangju thing, either. Also, no REAL Choson niggas just those southern pussyasses and round-eyes.

Can fucking Gustav Metzger draw a really fucking hot elf bitch killing an orc with a big ass +8 elven sword?

Has ANYONE ever heard of some punk called Bruce Nauman? I’ve been doing art for fucking ages man and I ain’t ever heard of any of those punks they got down there. Not just Warcraft shit, too, but Star Craft and all sorts of shit.

None of those punkasses even have have a deviantart account from what I can see. They’re just nobodies man. Unless they do that slash art shit. Man that’s fucked up. Who wants to see like two elf dudes hitting it? That’s fucked up man.

So that’s what I’m gonna do when I take over September 9.

Set up a Pyongyang Biennale. We’ll have one every year.

And I’m gonna fuck up Massimiliano Gioni and all those Gwangju bitches real bad.