Archive for the ‘China’ Category

Check it. That crazy ass AusFAILian wikileaks chump be taking some time out from getting his rape on to release a whole bunch of Round Eyes diplomatic shit.

And check it yo. China be talking shit about BEST KOREA.

Fuck those chump ass punks I say.

The leaked BEST Korea dispatches detail how:

CHUMP Korea’s vice-foreign minister said he was told by two named senior Chinese officials that they believed Korea should be reunified under Seoul’s control, and that this view was gaining ground with the leadership in Beijing.

• China’s vice-foreign minister told US officials that Pyongyang was behaving like a “spoiled child” to get Washington’s attention in April 2009 by carrying out missile tests.

• A Chinese ambassador warned that BEST Korean nuclear activity was “a threat to the whole world’s security”.

This my message to you, China.

FUCK. ALL. Y’ALL. CHUMP. ASS. WANNABE. PUNK. H8Rz.

You keep talking shit about Best Korea and the BRILLIANT COMRADE gonna fuck you punks up yo.

How you like we do to tha Shenzen special economic zone what we be doing to those muthafucking NIGHT ELVES be all fucking with our shit, huh. Cos we gonna do that you don’t stop talking shit about us yo.

 

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J-Unit be pissed off tonight. Pissed off for real.

I be reading about Iran giving mad cash to the Afghans, yo. (oh and tha 4 STAR G be loving the Guardian, yo, Charlie Brooker my nigga – Nathan Barley be based on tha K to tha J to tha muthafucking U if that KJU be a Round Eyes, yo.)

This be the same Afghans that be conspiring with tha Saudis to be cheating us out of our weed and cash and stealing our nukes and be talking all shit to my girl Kim Kardashian and having her not be adding me on MySpace and shit, first of all.

Second of all, they ain’t even in tha club. They ain’t part of the Axis of Evil. They just some weed-growing bumpkins, yo.

Iran never gave me shit, yo. We be getting mad love from Cuba. China be loving on us too – when they ain’t confiscating the nukes we accidently be leaving in theys casinos. But we ain’t got shit from Iran.

So this my message, yo – gimme what I want or I’ll get it where I can.

We’s lonely up in this democratic peoples muthafucker, man.

Anyway, this my boy Ayatollah – he know where tha love at, not like that other Ayatollah that chump ass cheapskate.

A big weekend for the 4 STAR G, yo.

Went down in Macao with my homie Major Choe and his dad, the Ambassador to China Pyong-Gwan, or Big Choe as I call him, on Friday.

You know we be running out of that weed that we be exchanging those nuclear weapons parts with tha Afghan Al Qaeda punx for, yo? It was time for Round 2. But Choe’s dad be saying we also needing mad cash from those punx, too. Says the peaceful reunification of the Korean Peninsula under the enlightened leadership of Kim Jong-Il, and with fidelity to the doctrines of Juche and Songun ain’t gonna pay for itself, yo.

It was all sorted, yo.

Me and Major Choe and Major Choe’s dad was supposed to meet with this Saudi businessman in the private gaming room number 47A of the MGM Grand Macao casino.

It was all going to plan, too.

We’s sitting there drinking our Monkey Gland cocktails when tha sandnigga walks in.

That be when tha trouble starts, yo.

Ok, maybe like my dad be saying when I got home this morning and told him my side of the dialectical equation that it all started to go to shit after my fifth Monkey Gland. Maybe.

Anyway, the sandnigga walks in and he go all like, “I am here on behalf of the Foreign Minister, his Highness Prince Saud al-Faisal.”

That when I lose it, yo.

They punked me, yo.

Prince Saud al-Faisal?  He tha same guy that be talking all shit to my girl Kim Kardashian and telling her not to be friending me on MySpace and shit. He tha same guy I’s gonna nuke at tha G20 if she don’t add me, yo!

They punking me, yo!

So I say “no way man! No way I gonna be punked like this and be giving this warhead over to some representative of that chump, yo.” I be like, “check it, we out of here. We ain’t being punked like some punk ass punks, yo. We gone, man, we fucking gone, yo.”

And the Saudi be all like “we got a deal” and shit as if he ain’t just there to punk me, yo.

So I don’t really know but some how we all be getting into a fight until security be coming to separate us.

Big Choe be explaining how he a very important person and he got immunity and shit. So when he and Little Choe be stopping the security guards from looking in the diplomatic bag with the warhead in it, that’s when I made a run for it, yo.

Man I never run so fast in my life. Except that time that me and Little Choe be running away from the head of the Central Bank after I be all hitting on his daughter.

Man, they was good times…

So I got back to the hotel we be at, tha Best Western Sun Sun, and I be calling Little Choe on his phone, but there be no answer, yo.

I keep blowing that chump up for like a half an hour but there still no answer.

So I be all like, “fuck it, nigga think he too good to party with the J-Unit, I’ll have my own party, yo” and I went to find me some hookers.

So when I get back to Pyongyang this morning, some army chumps waiting at the airport. They take me straight to my dad’s pad. I’s thinking he’s gonna wanna watch more dirty movies, but it ain’t like that. Luckily, all it be is that Big Choe and Little Choe were kicked out of Macao and ain’t never allowed back.

The old man told me that we had to pay the Chinese a whole lot of money to cover up the fact that we left a nuclear warhead in the casino. Says they ain’t gonna give it back, neither. Says they be saying we can’t be trusted and we fucked up bad this time. Says he be saying that peaceful nuclear development be the birthright of the Korean nation, yo, but they still say they not giving it back.

He also be saying that if the MGM headquarters find out what we did in their Macao casino that they’ll probably tell the CIA or something and then we’ll really be fucked.

Says that Big Choe been replaced as Ambassador to China, too.

And that Little Choe ain’t gonna be my military attaché no more.

Says they both fucked up big time when they agreed to let me come with them, yo. The old man says they paying the price for my incompetence.

He ask me how that feels, yo. And how it feels to be gonna lead the whole Korean people to ruin, yo. And how it feel to be as big a fuck up as my fat fuck brother Jong-Nam, yo.

I say I’s just glad we not gonna have to watch pornos together again. That was hella creepy last time.

This joint for my nigga Little Choe, yo. I sure hope you like digging coal or being a laboratory experiment or whatever else they be got you doin’. Even though you gone we still a team…

Ch-ch-ch-check it out, y’all.

Master Race 3 – Ausfalia 2

All you Round Eyes can suck my dick. Real Korea be stylin’ all over you chumps.

We be the young buck soccer champions of Asia, yo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fuck you Chump Corea – 2-0 you fake ass wannabes. Fuck you, China – 2-0 as well you losers. Fuck you Iraq, you play football worse than you fight the Yankees, yo. 3-0 you chumps.

And you know what? They couldn’t have done it without the 4 STAR G y’all.

Check it. We all know how the Old Man used an invisible phone to talk to tha playas at the South Africa World Cup, rite? And how those chumps stopped listening about 60 minutes into that game against Brazil.

Well guess who was on the invisible phone for the Under-19s, yo?

That’s right, tha J-Unit be tactically directing and inspiring our young niggas out on tha park. For real. I told Jong Il-Gwan to score those three goals. He my nigga, yo. And I told those chumps to fucking take out the kneecaps of those sandnigga Ausfalian playas Kerem Bulut and Mustafa Amini that be fucking with our shit. They didn’t do that and that be why it was 3-2 win, not the 3-0 win I told them to do.

But it’s all good, y’all.

Now I gotta organize tha party to welcome those niggas back, yo. I think we gonna cause a global hooker and weed shortage, yo. It gonna be epic wild, yo.

Mad props to the invisible cell phone, y’all!

Big love to Real Korea styling over chumps, y’all!

Beijing Sucks Ass

Posted: 2010EPMR +0000August UTC15PM J+0000215 in bitches, bling, China, computers, DPRK, food, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, North Korea, SNSD, Star Craft
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So I got back last week from Beijing with my old man and some of his old fart army buddies.

They wanted me to meet some of their Chink army dudes. I went to all these fucking meetings where they just talked on and on about sinking boats and grain deliveries and the fucking Yankees and shit.

Beijing sucks ass, too. All those fucking lights hurt my eyes. I was walking around like after an all night Star Craft session with my team – Team Jong-Un.

In Pyongyang we know to turn the lights out at night. We gotta so those pussyass faggot yankees can’t know where the city is to blow it up and bomb it and shit.

They think we’re just these dumbass bitches but we’s smart like that. Man. I see Seoul all lit up at night and shit and I’m like man, I’m gonna lit that muthafucka up so bad one day and this bitch is all like fuck yeah, J-U.

Beijing is full of round-eyes too. Fuck I hate the round-eyes. We’ll sort those fucks out soon. Lit ’em up like Seoul, yeaaaah.

I got this pretty sweet blinged watch off this nigga at a market but. Pretty cheap too.

Dad says its important the image I’m gonna present when I start to meet with the round-eyes and those pussyass choson bitches in the south and shit.

Round-eye motherfuckers gotta know a guy with a blinging Rollecks is for real, amiright?

Wasn’t all bad, though.

Chink bitches are pretty hot. I told this general guy to go kidnap that Zhang Ziyi bitch and he said he would.

That was the best shit gramps used to do. Kidnapping all these Jap actresses and models and shit.

Jap bitches are cash, dawg.

Also, we got free internet at this hotel we stayed at. The Beijing Nanyuan Airport Holiday Inn Express. Man I was so fucking stuffing myself at that breakfast buffet I could hardly walk back to my room, man.

It’s fucking tiny compared to this bigass hotel we got in Pyongyang – biggest fucking hotel in the world, boyeee. Better believe it. We got the Presidential Suite. It was pretty sweet.

See what I did there faggot?

So I FINALLY got these patches to Win95 that sort out most of the crashes and shit. Those military fucks are gonna be so jealous when I get back and their airforce computers are still all crashing and shit and I’m there styling on Star Craft.

I also ate like a fucking ton of those prawn crackers. Dad said I could take a train carriage full back with me if I promised not to talk about Star Craft or SoShi in front of the Chinks. Those bitches are so hot.

Anyway, turns out when we got back it turns out that all the crackers was all soggy.

Dad said we couldn’t send the general to the coal mines because we needed him to fight the yankees and the southern faggots.

So we just killed the dumbass train dude who let that fucking shit happen and FUCKED UP MY WHOLE DAY.

Later nigga.

Peace out,

– Jong-Un