Archive for the ‘bball’ Category

So once again tha J to tha K to tha muthafucking U gotta come at choo with some pissed off shit, yo.

So once again chump ass niggas be getting all up in a niggaz shit, where they got no right poking they chump ass nigga noses, yo.

I’s talking about Yongbyon, y’all.

Pussy ass southerners and the Round Eyes be all pissing themselves because we doing a little building work at the nuclear complex.

So fucking what, amirite?

I mean, they be pretending like WMDs ain’t the birthrite of the mighty Korean nation, yo. They saying that cos I is so young I gotta restart the nuke joint just to get my props. Fucking dumb asses don’t know I got mad props and big love from all my Choson niggaz already, yo. They don’t even know that it ain’t about a muthafuckas age, but about the joint he bringing. Check my nigga Soulja Boy. Or you wanna go old skool, my nigga Bow Wow.

In any case, all those niggaz be way off this time, yo. It ain’t like that at all.

Come here, yo. I got some big ass news to share with you all.

You wanna know what the ruckus up at Yongbyon really about, yo? Check it:

That’s right. The Fresh Prince of Pyongyang is starting a record company.

Yongbyong gonna be like my Paisley Park if y’all are loving on the old Prince – yo check it, he short enough to be from North Korea ha ha.

We making a recording studio up there and a pool house like tha old skool Fresh Prince used to live in in Cali and we be making a bball court and a nightclub.

Should all be ready next summer. We gonna kick that muthafucka off something feirce, yo. Be the party of the 2010s, y’all.

So chillax, bitches. Yongbyon my dealio and the J-Unit got it all in hand, yo.

The J-Unit be EPIC blunted, yo.

That be some hard ass chronic shit Major Choe be trading those centrifuges for with them sandniggaz.

I ain’t been this high since North Carolina beat Michigan State last year, yo. We be all jumping over fires and shit. Jong-Chul be all burning his ass and shit. Shit was cash. I put the pics up on Flickr, yo.

We did some shit, though, Choe and me, when we was all blasted that didn’t work out so good.

Not that faggot shit if that what you be thinking. That be a southern thing, up here not so much. Except in the prisons, yo. But way I see it, what a nigga get up to in prison or in some dark ass coal mine be his own business, you feel me?

Nah man, what I mean is we was watching this dancing monkey on the internet which FINALLY got itself back again after all them storms. Man. We must’ve been watching that nigga for fucking hours man.We be laughing out blunt ass asses off, yo. Choe be all like, for a monkey, that bitch be pretty hot.

Somehow we ended up making this:

And somehow, we ended up ordering the Party Printing House to print up 50,000 of these muthafuckas for my inauguration in a few days time.

I don’t remember any of that shit actually happening, but I’m told it did, and it sure as shit seem like the sort of fucked up shit I be doing when I’s blunted.

And nigga, I was EPIC blunted, yo.

So dad found out when some chumpass nigga in the Printing House be calling up someone to ask why we wanna go be printing 50,000 posters with the head of gramps, Kim Il-Sung, replaced by that sweet ass dancing monkey.

Someone in Dad’s office came down and be all like NIGGA WOT?

So dad calls me and he’s like WOT THA FUCK, NIGGA? And he be saying that I as bad as that weak ass junkie Jong-Chul and he don’t know if he wanna be handing over power and shit to me no more.

It be ok though. He just be butt hurt we not be sharing the chronic. I explained that gramps still be my dead ass Choson nigga number one, yo. Me and Choe, we was just smoking up. He need to chill. He on edge cos he all dying and shit.

And he be like, where that dope from, yo? Except he don’t really talk like that but that be what he meant.

And I explain about this deal that me and Choe be doing with the sandniggaz and how we selling what we ain’t smoking to the Chinks and the faggitz in the south and stacking mad bills, yo.

O man.

You shoulda seen his face.

He got all red and start choking like he be sucking on the fattest J you ever seen.

Then he be all lecturing me about how shit be all “sensitive” with the round-eyes and the southern faggits and how now really be not the time to be making deals to swap nukes with the sandniggaz for weed and shit. Says we gotta be careful or they be getting even more up in our shit.

Man, I thought he’d be proud.

We be fucking raking in the dough, yo.

He just shakes his head and gets his hot ass nurse to wheel his butthurt butt away.

I’m gonna beat the shit out of that nigga Major Choe when I see him next.

– Peace out and smoke up, niggaaaaaz!

– J-Unit For Real

Storms still be blowing and shit and man am I steaming.

This time it ain’t those pussyass haters down in Gwangju with their bullshit Biennale and fake artists and shit.

It be the old man.

Y’all know how I’m taking over and shit in a little bit, rite? They be calling me the Morningstar General and the Choson Nigga Number One and all that shit, yeah?

So the old man is all like, Jong-Un, you best be getting your cabinet and advisers and shit in order. He’s like, I’m gonna need some hardass niggaz around me to advise me on shit like the economy and food and the internet and shit.

And he’s saying all like how I need niggaz I can trust and shit, cos I can’t have no backstabbing muthafuckas that gonna go stabbing me in the back when I got back turned. Word.

That ain’t why I’m angry though, yo.

This be good advise from the old man. For real. Nigga gotta keep a hold of what’s his.

But then he’s like, you should appoint the head of the army, Wonsu Kim Yong-Chun to be your chief adviser.

And I’m all like Nigga wot?

And he’s like he’s been doing what the Party says since the battle of Naktong Bulge or some shit.

And I’m like, I don’t care about that, what’s some wrinkled old peanut fuck gonna advise me on? He’s like fucking older than the Amiga, man.

I said this is my cabinet and my advisers and I’m gonna choose who I want.

And the old man’s like, so who you want?

And I say Shaggy 2 Dope.

And the old man, he just doesn’t say anything.

So I have to fucking explain the fucking Clown Posse all over again and about how S2D be the illest muthafucka in wrestling  too. He be my military adviser and he can party down.

And then I say I want Steve Cleveland to be my other adviser.

And he doesn’t know who that is either.

And I’m like, nigga only be like the best coach in the Mountain West College bball conference.

And the old man, he’s like shaking his head and shit and he calls for his nurse to take him away. And I’m like, bitch, soon it be my ass you be wiping. And the old man, he’s just¬† saying like “I think I have made a big mistake.”

And I’m like, “for real, nigga. Word.” That be the smartest thing that old man ever said.

So when Major Choe gets back from Macao, I’m gonna send him to go get Shaggy and Steve and then we be getting this muthafucka STARTED. For REAL.

Here be another joint. Whoever made this, he gonna be at my Pyongyang Biennale. He almost as good at Warcraft as me.

Obama Be Fucking Wit My Stash

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000September UTC11AM J+0000411 in bball, business, DPRK, joints, Kim Jong-Un, Korean storms, Macao, North Korea, Obama

There be all storms and shit up here rite now.

Knocked the fucking bball hoop down, yo. This be some hardass storms all up in my ass all a sudden so I can’t practice my moves.

Tha J-Unit got bigger shit flipping then that shit, yo.

Check it.

Obama be fucking wit my stash.

Don’t no muthafucka go fucking wit my stash.

He don’t know who he dealing with. You don’t fuck wit da Choson Nigga Number One and fucking walk away from that shit, yo.

Yankees be putting all these sanctions and shit on all these money niggaz we got working for us down in Macao. They saying we selling meth to the Chinks and that pussyass fake Choson down south and we be buying weapons and shit.

Yea. So. The K to tha J to tha muthafucking U he got a lil hussle goin’.

Problem, bitch?

We ain’t forcing those crack heads to buy our shit man. This be free market business shit, man.

Who Obama to come fucking with my business, yo? Who tha fuck he think he is?

So I gotta send that slow ass stoner fuck Major Choe down to Macao to meet with these Chink Portugwese money niggaz and sort this shit out fast man.

You been to Macao? Shit is cash. All them casinos.

Nigga like the J-Unit can clean up.

Shit yeah. We be dealing wit dis shit right here.

Then we be dealing with that Chumpass faggot Obama.

Don’t no muthafucka go fucking wit my stash.

Anyway, dis be my joint right here, yo. Hardass Soviet banga shit. Fuck yeah. Gully Platoon. Right here.