Fuck You Beeeyatches, I Was In A Coma

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000November UTC07AM J+000047 in Uncategorized

Fuck all y’all punks.

First of all.

Second of all, check it:

Tha K to tha J to tha muthafucking U been in a coma, yo.

For real.

This be how it happened, yo:

I’s down in Gwangju to go fuck up that punk ass punk Massimilano Gioni, the curator of the Gwangju Biennale who be all rejecting my sweetass World of Warcraft art for his piece of shit art exhibition.

I be staying at the Guus Hiddink Hotel, named for the Round Eyed nigga who be taking Chump Corea through to the semis in the 2002 World Cup – that’s pretty good considering the Chump Coreans don’t be having tha invisible phone technology that we do.

But I got kicked out of that place, yo, cos some niggas can’t be all digging on tha grove that the J-UNIT be laying down, you feel me. Also I was bringing Mongolian hookers and drug dealers to my room.

So we moved into this love motel with this big ass statue of Liberty on top of it. Irony by tha BRILLIANT COMRADE’s middle name, yo. Also “Jong”.

So on Saturday I be all waiting for that punk ass chump DJ Mocracy to be showing his chump ass outside the Gwangju Student Independence Memorial Hall for me to lay down some sweetass rhymes and drop some proletarian science on that joker, yo.

And I be all out there in my purple and red TEAM DPRK tracksuit all styling like my nigga Magneto – cos you don’t fuck with that nigga, yo.

But where that chump be, yo?

DJ Mocracy more like DJ Noshow you be asking me.

So I be all like, “yo, fuck this shit” and so I went to this place I read about called a PC Bang where they got Star Craft and World of Warcraft and all sorts of shit, yo.

Check it. It be a fucking paradise, yo.

The computers be much faster than the 15kbs that I be getting up in P-Town. And there be this machine that sells you 2-minute noodles for like 500 won – that about 50 Round Eyes cents, yo.

So I poped some pills that my nigga in tha alley behind tha love motel be selling me and I settled down to a major – and I mean major, yo – WoW session.

Check it, it be epic, yo. I be stacking so many WoW bills that I didn’t never want to stop, yo. I go over to get some noodles and coke, take a piss and pop some pills but then the J-UNIT be right back at it, yo. Didn’t even matter that I didn’t be having my homies from Team Kim Jong-Un with me, yo, I be kicking ass, yo.

Then I remember that I be standing up to go get some noodles, and I be feeling kind of fucked up, yo. I remember reaching over to check my game was saved and then…

… BLANK, yo.

I woke up 3 days later in a Chump Corea hospital. They said I was in a coma. They said I had a stroke. They said tha nigga at tha PC Bang be saying that I be playing World of Warcraft for 30 hours straight.

Who that nigga to be counting, yo? Who he to be all up in the 4 STAR G’s shit, yo? Who fucking died and made him DEAR LEADER, yo? Man, fuck that punk be all hating on the J-UNIT and shit because I be stacking mad WoW bills, yo.

So anyways, when I got out of the hospital and got back to the motel my Mongolian bitch be all like, “yo, where you been J-UNIT? I be all worried and shit cos you still owe me 5o0,00o won.”

I be telling her the story and she be saying that I was on tha Chump Corea news, yo. Turns out that when I was in a coma, the old man went and made me second in command of the D to tha P to tha R to tha muthafucking K-HOLE, yo.

For real.

So I be ringing him up and he be all like, “so how are you disrupting the G20 summit?”

And I be all like, “yo, dad, I was in a coma, yo.”

And he be like, “we know, that’s why we promoted you. Korea is much safer with you in a coma. No we’ll have to recosider.”

And I be all like, “yo, later for you man, you always putting me down and shit. Fuck you, yo.”

That be telling him.

So anyways, I’m doing what he said and now I’m here in Seoul gonna cause some big ass ruckus, yo. Don’t know what I’ll do yet, but check it, it gonna be epic, yo.

But first stop: Itaewon. I hear the Nigerians be having the best drugs up in this muthafucka.

Later bitches.

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