Sorry Gangwon Chumps – I Thought You Was Hobgoblins

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000October UTC11AM J+0000511 in comic books, DMZ, DPRK, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, North Korea, South Korea
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Rare that the J-UNIT issue an apology, yo. The BRILLIANT COMRADE not be normally in tha bidness of making mistakes is why.

But when I fuck shit up, the 4 STAR G be man enough to own up to his fuck ups.

So check it:

I’s sorry that I started shooting at you Chump Corea soldiers in Gangwon yesterday. I fucked up, y’all. I wasn’t trying to start nothing. I just thought I saw tha Hobgoblin.

You know, from Spider-Man.

And, ok, yeah, I had been drinking. And, ok, yeah, I was also fucked up on ‘shrooms. And, ok, yeah, our subsequent investigations have shown conclusively that y’all weren’t tha Hobgoblin. And, ok. yeah, turns out also that you weren’t laughing at me because my girl Kim Kardashian won’t friend me on MySpace and calling me a punk ass powerpoint.

It just sure as shit look like that be what happening, yo.

I want y’all to appreciate that in tha spirit of the peaceful reunification of the muthaland and shit that I’ve made a promise to myself that next time I go on a tour of the military posts along the DMZ to visit our brave soldiers who somehow fucked up really bad or pissed off some Party Official or whatever and got they chump asses assigned to the front line cannonfodder defense, I will be absolutely 100% sober.

Cross my heart, y’all.

On the upside the old man didn’t hardly yell at me at all. He just said, “what would be tha point?” and asked when I was leaving for my holiday.

Could have been a lot worse, y’all.

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Comments
  1. DJ MocKracy says:

    Yo, that be it, muthafucka.

    I has had enuff.

    You be dissing us True Koreans from the rising of the sun to its goddamn going down, calling us chumps and shit, casting aspergers on our way of life; and we be patient, yo, we be being the more mature, wit’-it Koreans that we knows we are, and so we just say, forget that chump, he ain’t nothing but a stoner son of a tryhard dancer ho, what likes to pretend he is down with the universe of rap but what really just some fat-arse grandson of privilege and totally-arianism what gots too much time on his hands.

    But now you be casting aspergers on us that even us adult, peace-seeking True Koreans can’t take lying down.

    Comparing us to the Supervillian – of a MARVEL comix? When you gotsta KNOW that D.C. is the shizzle. Joker – fine. The Penguin – fine. Even Gog or Bizarro to represent the true scale of our power. Or maybe something obscure like Black Mass or Legion woulda been cool. Give us some props, reference our mad skillz, y’know?

    But fucking HOBGOBLIN?! That shit just wrong. Racial profiling, evil essentialism on a Tolkienesque scale WRONG. Mixing Shakespeare, Jane Austen or Abe Lincoln with kitsch monsters WRONG.

    And so this is it. I, DJ MocKracy, master of mockery, champion of democracy, connoisseur of phat beats, and occasional committer of acts of chivalry, challenge you, Li’l Kimmy, to a MC Battle.

    A old-fashioned Mic Club, what where we each be laying down some insults in verse and whoever make the most egregious reference to the other’s mother, fashion sense, original place of residence, or inadequate street prose stylings, come out victorious.

    And maybe that way we finally be bringing some unification to this motherland of ours.

    You name the time, and post a rhyme, and I’ll rock along in the comments and slam down your pathetic tryhard bunnyhopping b-boy battiness.

    Unless of course you is too scared?

  2. Kim Jong Un says:

    You means like… Celebrity Rap Superstar? I loves that muthafucking show. I down with that, yo.

    Check it, I’ll whup your ass and your punk ass crew harder’n than that lil chump what played Pedo in Napoleon Dynamite got whupped on that show. You going down, nigga. You going down worse’n when the X-Men beat up tha Blob.

    Noon. Saturday November 6. Gwangju Student Independence Movement Memorial Hall. I’ll whup your ass harder than the American soldiers whupped those punk student.

    Be there or be a chump ass faggit, you chump ass faggit.

  3. […] I got two asses to be kicking in Gwangju. Massimiliano Gioni and some punk ass wannabe b-boy, then I’s up to Seoul to fuck up the Choson Ilbo for all that shit they saying about my […]

  4. DJ MocKracy says:

    Celebrity Rap Superstar?! How lame. And you be sayin’ we is the ones suckered into superficial American consumerist culture.

    No ways. I be talkin’, in ascendin’ order of whiteboy awesomeness:
    Eminem layin’ it down at the 1997 Rap Olympics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLLJBxovsJw

    I be talkin’ Ali G lovin’ the chicken:

    I be talkin’ Vanilla Ice takin’ the piss outta that chump from Mask:

    And if you can handle it, I be talkin’ the risin’ of the J-Phoenix:

    So yeah, I’ll be there at the Gwangju Student Independence Movement Memorial Hall. I be there right now. That be where I live – don’t be expecting no support from my homeboy crowd.

    And keep your military security chumps away from the students – lest we be startin’ some international incident with revolutionary and/or nuclear consequences, bitch…

  5. DJ MocKracy says:

    Oh yeah, and um, just to be sure, we is talkin’ noon local time, GMT+9? Don’t want to mess up my schedule, yo.

  6. Kim Jong Un says:

    You Round Eye wannbe. I H8 Round Eye wannabe bugs like you always wannabe Round Eyes and shit and all loving on tha white boy awesomeness.

    Where tha love for my Jap ass nigga Lyrics Born, yo? Where tha props for my mystic chink niggaz tha Wu Tang, yo. Why you bigging up Eminem – not that I don’t got mad love from Eminem, yo – when you got nothing for my Original Black Asiatic Man Chuck D, yo?

    Yo, fuck you H8RZ ashamed of you own Asianess. I be there, yo. Noon. Local time. November 6. Gwangju Student Independence Movement Memorial Hall. Gonna fuck you worse’n I fucked that Korean Air error message cartoon bitch last nite. Yeah you heard me. She a real bitch. And I fucked that shit, yo. That be what the J-UNIT all about, yo.

    I’ll be the Original Gold Asiatic Man, yo. Can you smell what tha 4 STAR G be cooking, nigga?

    I’ll be there, yo. I’ll be tha cat in tha purple and red tracksuit, yo. Like my nigga Magneto, yo. You can’t play that crazyass nigga cos he be all about family and one love to all his mutant niggaz, yo. He be all about fucking up tha Round Eyes what be getting all up in his mutant shit, yo.

    Nigga, you about to enter a world of b-boy pain…

    P.s. yeah bullshit you living in Gwangju you Round Eyes wannabe chump. Go back to E-Ping you Ausfalian bitch.

  7. DJ MocKracy says:

    Don’t be dissin my list. I already done said, _ascendin_ order, if y’knows what that means. I started at the bottom, with the whiteboys. Notice too I din’t scrape the barrel neither with none of that pussy Beastie shit. I kept it realist. I woulda moved on up the hierarchy of rap races – through the chinks and niggas up to tha True Koreans – but I knows how you gots capped internet downloads so I din’t want your old man slammin on you for blowin the country’s budget again. If you be wantin, I can edumacate youse some more. I din’t even gets to Toby Mac yet.

    You go ahead and crossdress all Magneto style. I ain’t gonna stop ya. And don’t be expectin me to take the side of Professor X neither. Far as I’m concerned, both of those chumps can go play teach with their little freak communities; rule or save humanity, who gives a fat rat’s clacker. Me, I’ll be the guy with purple helmet ready to destroy your world: Darkseid, lord of the planet Apokolips, coz that’s what I’s got on the front of my face, and that’s what I’s gonna bring about your end times with.

    I hope you been workin on your lyrics, poser. Cos you best know mine is flowin like Hallyu.

  8. […] neighbours one time too many, because underground South Korean hip-hop artist DJ-MocKracy has challenged the Morningstar General to a freestyle battle. It’s sure to be epic; I know I’ll be watching on. Let’s hope they can bring some peace to […]

  9. DJ MocKracy says:

    You is late, punk.

    Don’t go standin me up now. That sorta shit show up your fear, yo. It’s okay, after I wipe the floor with your chubby cheeks, I’ll pat you on the head and teach you a few tricks for next time. Step up and be a man, boy.

    Unless the authorities done kicked you out or somethin?

  10. DJ MocKracy says:

    If you think late is fashionable, your brain’s a ganja mess
    Is you stuck on World of Warcraft tryin to pass a quest?
    Or maybe you’s confused yourself with daylight savings time?
    It’s okay, I got all day to sit and mock in rhyme

  11. DJ MocKracy says:

    Re: your schedule
    You wanna reschedule?
    I’m somewhat incredulous
    This be double uncool
    Did you think that you’ll
    Play me for a fool?
    The least that you could do
    Is holla like Ja Rule

  12. DJ MocKracy says:

    Yo, I is outta here, homes. I gotsa train to catch. I just been hanging out with my homies, playing ping-pong in the back, practicin breakdancin with my b-boys (even though we is already #1 in the world, its all about discipline, somethin you wouldn’t unnerstand, slacker), I just been waitin for your fat arse to appear but now I gots to go. I gots som REAL rappers to battle: my homies Drunken Tiger and some other MCs from The Movement be hostin a freestyle tonight in Seoul, so I best be skippin. Here be the deets:

    http://www.drunkencamp.com/

    (Notice also the background – for realz, can’t you come up with anything original?)

    If you is for realz about defendin your honour and goin in to battle against a real street poet, you tell your minders to charter you a helicopter to Seoul, and be there, tonight. Come see how the big boys play. Maybe you’ll have the guts to step up to the mic. Otherwise the whole hip hop world gonna know you a two-faced pussy. And try not to get lost, huh? Srsly, how you expect to make the trains run on time once you is supreme leader?

  13. Kim Jong Un says:

    Check it nigga – I was in a muthafucking coma you punk ass bitch. Also – where was you, yo. I was the cat styling in tha Magneto tracksuit but you, you be nowhere you bitch. Oh you be all man and shit on tha internet but in reality you just a no show.

    I bet you just some skinny ass bitch be all afraid of tha funk that a J to tha K to tha muthafucking U be laying down, yo.

    Yo, fuck you, you punk, check it:

    Noon. THIS Saturday. Doota mall. B-boys section.

    This be your last chance, yo. I gonna fuck you up old skool, nigga.

  14. DJ MocKracy says:

    After demonstrating my rating at the Freestyle Day last week — my flow was so scorching, Tiger JK himself was too scared to step on to the mat — taking you on would be like Michael Jordan playing 1on1 with a high-school white boy at a b-ball clinic. But sure, why not – punks like you need a lesson. I’ll be there. If you can’t see me, maybe try being more willing to suspend your motherfucking disbelief, arright?

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