Farmers Be Hatin’ But My Microbial Fertilizer Be Tha Shizzilizer

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000October UTC09AM J+000049 in DPRK, food, haters, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, weed

Yo, tha J-Unit about to take a little trip, yo.

South of tha border down Chump Corea way.

I got some shit to sort out with those haters working at the Chosun Ilbo, yo.

First they be getting all up in tha J niggaz shit by reporting on the porn stash we got going up here. That be setting off a chain of events in my life I rather be forgetting, yo. For real.

Now they repeating bullshit lies and hating from some chump ass farmers from Hamgyong-Pukyo talking shit about tha 4 STAR G.

Ha. Now y’all be knowing why we be testing our nukes all up in that shit hole.

Check it:

Another source from North Hamgyong Province said the federation of farmers passed out material praising Kim Jong-un’s skills and urging farmers to create a new agricultural revolution under his guidance. “The material described an inspection trip by Kim Jong-il and Kim Jong-un to an agricultural commune in 2008, where the younger Kim surprised experts by spontaneously coming up with a microbial fertilizer that could improve the quality of soil,” the source said, and claimed farmers who used it were able to “miraculously” harvest 15 tons of wheat per 9,917 sq. m of farmland. “Farmers who read the material laughed at it, saying if it was true Kim Jong-un could solve the North’s food shortage simply by stepping on all the farms in the country, so all they’d have to worry about is how to dispose of the excess amount of food next year,” the source said.

Man, that source can suck my dick. That story be 100% true.

For real. Check it.

This was back in the old school days back when I first started kicking it with tha old man on these tours around chicken farms and shit – and not tha fake tours that he be making up and the KCNA be reporting on so he have an excuse not to watch my stylin’ on the bball court, yo, these was tha for real chicken farm tours.

So we be meeting these chump ass farmers and be all like, “wot up, nigga? Tha K to tha J to tha muthafucking U checking in, yo! How tha fuck you be doing growing food all up in this place?”

And they be all like, “it ain’t so good, yo. Weasels and shit be all eating our food, yo and it be growing all real small and shit.”

And I be like, “yo, fuck that shit, dawg. When we was growing weed in my dorm back in Switzerland, my roomie and me be using this bat shit fertilizer stuff to be making that shit grow. Maaan, that be some of tha strongest fucking weed I ever be smoking, yo.”

So I say to the old man, “yo, what these field niggaz be needing is some grade-a bat guano, yo. We can prolly send a soldier off to Dandong to buy some of that shit or just get it off the internet like I did in Switzerland, yo.”

So that be tha story all about how the J-Unit saved Christmas for tha field niggers all up in Hamgyong-Pukyo, yo, so fuck those haters.

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Comments
  1. […] Read more from the original source: Farmers Be Hatin' But My Microbial Fertilizer Be Tha Shizzilizer … […]

  2. Uncle Chin says:

    Dear Esteemed Kim Jong-Un,

    Thankyou for your enlightening tale. It takes me back some three decades, to the tumultuous period before you had graced this earth with your birth, when our southern, as you say, “Chump” neighbours had some disastrous trouble with Nature and her blessing on their crops. They of course had sufficient reserves, but out of politeness, we offered to send them some grain, even though we had but little ourselves. I’m not sure how much history you have been taught, young prince, but can you guess what they did?

    They accepted it. Knowing full well that we had but little ourselves, that our hard working citizens would starve as a result. And beholden to our promise, we shipped them the food.

    So I can only agree with your vigorous sentiment that we ought to disapprove strongly of those haters.

    Had you been but born at the time, O miraculous one, perhaps you could have prevented much hardship upon the peasants of the field, but we are thankful that finally you are with us.

    Yours,
    Uncle Chin

  3. Kim Jong Un says:

    What can I say, Uncle? Haters gonna hate – amirite. The problem in the south is those chumps be wasting all the technology and shit what they got on stuff like those rip-off iphones that Samsung be making rather than automaticitizing mines and farms and shit like we be doing. It a question of discipline, really. But I ain’t so beat up about them dissing us after we be feeding them for all this time. When the muthaland be all re-united and shit we can forget all about that shit. No one gonna remember who be feeding who or who be digging that tunnel of aggression near Yonggang-ri.

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