I Think I Fucked Up, Y’All

Posted: 2010EAMR +0000September UTC09AM J+000049 in bitches, DPRK, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korean Workers Party, North Korea, Soulja Boy, Third Extraordinary Meeting of the Korean Workers Party, weed

I wan’t y’all to feel me on this one, yo.

I am real sorry I fucked up this here Third Extraordinary Meeting of the Korean Workers Party.

For real, nigga. I am really, really sorry.

Check it. Me and Major Choe was just kicking it backstage with this bigass blunt that we be smuggling in. That was cool though because the Generals told Choe to tell me that we should just chill backstage and not say shit and not do shit until we be called. Then I just say what be on the autocue.

I wasn’t even gonna get to spit my rhymes, yo. I be working on that joint for ages with my nigga Timbaland.

But I be cool. The J-Unit can go with shit, narmean? I know there be time for that later. Anyways that chumpass nigga soulja boy, he be letting his homies down. Choe say he wouldn’t answer his phone. He be blowing that muthafucka up all day, man. Nuthin.

So we’s just sitting back, getting blunted and chilling and shit and rocking the YouTube (at 4.8kb suck ass, amiright?) when who be walking past but some fine ass dancing girls all in shiney spandex.

We saw them yesterday rehearsing this joint they be doing with hoops and streamers and shit all about how the Army be the bedrock upon which the Peoples Republic be resting, yo. Man they was fine. I’m like, “I’m so up in that shit, yo.”

So I’m chatting with this bitch. And she be all giggling and shit and I’m like, “you know who I am?” and she be like, “no” and I be like “beeeeyatch! I be the Morningstar General, yo!”

And Choe, he be like, “nah, leave it man”.

But this bitch was into me, man, I could tell. So I’m like, “come party with the Morningstar General, yo. I can double your rations.” Her ass be kinda skinny is why. She hot, but she not like Kim Kardashian. She be my cousin and all but I would so hit it.

And then she be all like “lemme go, we gotta perform.”

And I be like, “don’t play me bitch, I know you want some of this.” And I be all grabbing myself and shit cos I KNOW she be into that shit. She pretend she all freaked out and shit and I be hurting her and shit but she be into it. Bitches always be like that, yo. She be all screaming and shit and that just be making me harder.

And that’s when her dad arrives.

He be like, “NIGGA WOT!?” except he don’t say that, but that be what he means. “Get away from my daughter!”

And I be like, “fuck you, old man. I be the Morningstar General, yo. They be writing mad joints about me walking in the footsteps of gramps and shit. Who the fuck you be, nigga!? You be no one, you punk.”

But turns out her dad be Kim Wa-Su, chairman of the Central Bank and a member of the Central Committee of the Korean Workers Party that be throwing this party, yo.

He be all clicking his fingers and shit and these soldiers be appearing from nowhere.

Major Choe, he be like he gonna piss his self and he go, “RUN!

So we run, yo.

We run so fucking fast that we be all bumping into people and walls and bitches and all sorts of shit.

Including the Old Man.

He go down like a sack of sweet potatoes, yo.

There be all doctors and soldiers and shit screaming and pushing us out of the way and carrying him out on this stretcher.

Choe be like, “man, we fucked up. We fucked up bad, man.”

I think he be right. No one has said nothing, but I think he be right. We went to the hospital he be staying at and we be asking the nurses – man they some hot ass nurses there – if we can see the Old Man, but they say “no visitors”. And I say, “but I’m his son, yo, I’m Kim Jong-Un!” And she look at her clipboard and say “especially not Kim Jong-Un.”

So it turns out this meeting be suspended for a little while until the Old Man be back on his feet.

No one said nothing to me, but I can tell they’s mad.

Worst part of it is I never even got to fuck that bitch in the shiny spandex.

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